Jokes You Can Tell Your Mom

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Clean jokes (or cleaned-up jokes) that your Mom would like.

NO:

F-bombs
Heavy use of expletives
Racism
LGBTQ slurs

Humor is universal and laughter should be shared by everyone, without excluding or belittling others.

It doesn't have to be crass to be funny. Take the high road. Your Mom would be proud of you. :)

Dad jokes are OK here too, and you can find more of those here: https://lemmy.world/c/dadjokes

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captainastronaut@seattlelunarsociety.org

Can I buy a half a head of lettuce? (seattlelunarsociety.org)

submitted 1 year ago by captainastronaut@seattlelunarsociety.org to c/momjokes@seattlelunarsociety.org

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A man asks a young grocer if he can purchase a half a head of lettuce. The boy says "hold on one second and I'll check with my manager."

The grocer walks to his office and says "So this cheapskate wants to know if he can buy a half a head of lettuce...." Not knowing the man had followed him and was standing right there. The grocer quickly embraces the man and says "... and this fine gentleman would like to buy the other half"! The manager agreed to the deal and and the man left.

Manager "You're quick on your feet there! I could use someone like you as a lead. Where are you from son?"

Grocer "I'm originally from Winnipeg. Nothing up there expect hookers and hockey players."

Manager "Excuse me. My wife is from Winnipeg!"

Grocer "No kidding, what team did she play for?"

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