First of all, please take this the way I intend it and not the way I fear it'll sound from a tipsy spectrum dude: if you're in a vulnerable spot, you need help. I have noticed your name elsewhere (the fediverse is not large after all) and you have been posting a lot of good content. The turn to 2meirl4meirl is concerning, though we don't know each other. I saw someone refer to this sort of thing (2meirl4meirl on Reddit to be specific) as "misery porn" while I followed that sort of content myself, and was forced to concede they have a point.
Again, please excuse the term, but "wallowing" in outright super-depressive stuff like 2meirl4meirl could possibly harm you more than it can help you. There is nothing wrong with a bit of gallows humor, but at a certain point things just get too bleak. 2m4m is an offshoot from meirl which is already heavily self-deprecatory and/or kind of a bummer in many cases - and this is by definition the stuff that is too depressing for them. Since the resulting content is still sometimes relatable and darkly/perversely/depressingly funny, it may be hard to detect the tipping point where certain sorts of content start being more damaging (through reminding or reinforcement of negative patterns) than they are beneficial. This may not apply to you - but please consider the possibility.
I hope you are doing okay.