I hate our hyper individualist society. It pits us against each other as enemies, and pushes us all to become isolated and have to completely fend for ourselves in all avenues. This is ridiculously counter-productive. As a social unit we fill in each others gaps; maybe you provide good food and good laughs, someone else knows how to fix a fridge, someone else reminds us to file our taxes. We as individuals are puzzle pieces that perform best when we pick up the slack of others where we are most capable, and in turn others help us in areas we lack development in.
In many ways I fall into a stereotypical 2020s archetypal person: smart, socially aware enough, but with a natural tendency to avoid conflict, even at my own expense. This society raised me to defer not to those deserving of defference, but merely to whomever projects the most confidence. I was trained to excessively say "I'm sorry," to not voice when I am upset, to bite my tongue and build resentment, to react to others' initiative.
If this is relatable in any ways to you, I want you to know that positive change away from this naturally ingrained behavior is possible, just like any maladaptive pattern. I have spent years working on it, and although I am still clunky and awkward about better advocating for myself, it has slowly become less of a Herculean task and I am slowly enjoying small fruits budding from trying to change my course.
I am refusing to say "I'm sorry" unless I truly have something to say "I'm sorry" about. I am firmly saying "no" to people even when they destroy our entire relationship in protest. I am speaking my mind even when I am threatened with being fired or being hurt. I accept whatever losses come my way because it isn't half as damaging in the long term as what passivity and fealty got me. I have gotten a raise, I have gotten some respect from my peers...I don't even like the respect, it feels like a toxic sort of respect typical for our society's dynamic, but, hey, it is a more useful tool to my goals than being dismissed or taken advantage of or invisible. People try and gaslight me, they try and tell me I am aggressive, a liar, fickle, volatile, all to try and put me back in my place when I gently assert for myself; genuine positive assertion is unusual in this society. But I continue on. I lose those who were poisonous to me to begin with and I gain the respect of those whose being and values and goals more align with my own. I have gotten in shouting matches, I have had people point guns at me over the pettiest things. I struggle most of all when I see how these people are just hurt and were never taught a better way of living and socializing. It is deeply tragic but you cannot save every individual person. You cannot give give give and give, they will take take take and take like a drowning man but the second you leave they are right back to thrashing in the water; they recieved nothing constructive, you only fed them for a moment. We as communists must focus on how to not drown ourselves and how to make life vests. We cannot be caught by individuals, no matter how pitiable their case, and be relegated to serfdom to those who will never return the favor like this. You can't buy friends, you can't buy respect. You can't even buy a platform to advocate on. You can't buy ears, eyes, hearts or minds. Being assertive for yourself first and foremost sounds like a gross individualist pursuit, at least to me, and maybe it is. But it is necessary to float in this world. We cannot complain how things are, that will not change anything, we can only seek power to change this wicked society, and before we can join together our power in organization we need power as individuals in this hyper individual battle royale.
Whether for your personal life, professional life, or for your revolutionary life, I hope if you are anything like I was (and in many ways still am), you will take seriously the need to become a more assertive person. There will be lots of fear, embarassment, threats, and pain on this path. You may lose connections and opportunities and stability in your life. But it is the foundation from which you as an individual person will be a greater actor, and both you, everyone around you, and the causes we believe in will benefit from it.