I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling with this, but please don't do MDMA, speed or cocaine to self-medicate your depression. They will make things worse, especially MDMA, being low serotonin is no joke and if you're already suffering from depression then you're asking for trouble, plus it can be really dangerous to use MDMA when you're taking anti-depressants.

You could try mushrooms or LSD, either micro or macrodose. I find that both can have the same effect but if you've done shrooms or acid before and can handle a macrodose I would recommend trying that. Personally I find that I feel much better for weeks after doing a good dose of shrooms, no need to microdose all the time.

The trip can be a very painful and traumatic experience but I find that no matter how the trip went, I come out of it feeling much better. I find myself no longer stuck in a negative thought loop and am able to view things from different perspectives which can be a very powerful thing when you're dealing with depression.

They do not remove depressed feeling but only make it so I don't care.

THIS. This so fucking much with paroxetine. I feel like it just milds down your emotions, whether they're positive or negative.

Besides, have you considered LSD or psilocybin microdosing?

Like you, I've been through lots of psych meds. In general, the SSRIs sucked! Sertraline made me stupid. Paroxetine made me dead inside. Escitalopram made me disconnected from my surroundings. Citalopram did a great job at making me more relaxed and social, but it came with severe ED, and I became completely asexual.

The anti-psychotics were terrible. They either made me dead inside or sleepy and slow allll the time. One even made me feel like I was withdrawing from opiates. I also gained like 40 lbs/18 kg.

Mood stabilizers didn't really seem to do anything for me at all.

What has worked is bupropion for general mood. It doesn't make it so I'm not depressed, but it makes it so that I can still function and decide to live life even though I might be depressed. I've noticed that the depression also happens in waves rather than all the time now. Bonus: bupropion doesn't cause the same side effects as the SSRIs and makes it so that nicotine isn't rewarding anymore.

One med that seriously surprised me though was methylphenidate for ADHD. Prior to recently, my medical provider system was strictly not wanting to treat ADHD nor even assess for it. I went to a new provider that had me complete an executive functioning scale and found that I was a bit extreme with how poor my executive functioning was (99th percentile 😬). I was put on methylphanidate shortly after. At this point, I thought ADHD really only affected productivity...nope! Once I started treating the ADHD, I was not overwhelmed as much. I wasn't upset that I lost my keys, worried that I would forget something important, or zone out and upset others during conversations. I have also been able to engage in tasks that make me happy even if they're not my current special interest, so this has made my life more balanced and diverse. To me, this has been the most influential medical treatment for my mental health.

For me, it was taking vitamin B12 injections. Seriously.

If you have gut problems, chances are you have vitamin B12 deficiency and depression is a symptom of that. Why you have to figure that out for yourself after you get diagnosed is beyond me.

See also:

• https://www.webmd.com/diet/vitamin-b12-deficiency-symptoms-causes
• https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamin-b12-or-folate-deficiency-anaemia/

Medical forms of LSD and MDMA are currently undergoing FDA trials for treating GAD and autism respectively. Not sure if they'll get all the way through but I could use both