this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2022
53 points (100.0% liked)

Asklemmy

43803 readers
772 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
top 15 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ScOULaris@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Nostalgia is really interesting in that it's inherently bittersweet. It's nice because it grounds us in a shared timeline and focuses on mostly positive aspects of some past point in time, but it's also sad because it means thinking back fondly on a time that will never be again.

So maybe it's the bitter half of that bittersweet feeling that you're subconsciously averse to? Either that or maybe your past/childhood was mostly negative or even traumatic? I'm no psychologist, so really I don't know what I'm talking about.

[–] BornVolcano@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

Rather than jump to "trauma" here (and believe me, I say this as a person with PTSD), could you elaborate on what you mean by "fear"?

[–] IronRain@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Interesting. I LOVE the feeling of nostalgia. It brings me back to a simpler and more peaceful time, when adult responsibilities and modern complexities didn't exist yet. Whenever a late 90s/early 2000's R&B song comes on, I'm automatically transported back in time and just relish in its bliss.

[–] _finger_@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] DragonAce@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

This was my first thought. I know for me when I found myself feeling uncomfortable when an old song played on the radio or friends talked about past memories. Turns out I had a shit ton of unrecognized/unresolved trauma from my childhood that resulted in CPTSD.

[–] Vengefu1Tuna@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I have similar feelings and I was raised in a very controlling home. It took me years to realize the environment I grew up in wasn't healthy, because that was my "normal". It could be the same for you, but only you and/or a mental health professional could say for sure.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Yeah this. I have cptsd and so I’ll often want to remember and celebrate some of the beautiful parts of my past but there’s definitely this bittersweet nature there of the fear and discomfort that was present and the trauma that resulted.

[–] 01189998819991197253@infosec.pub 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Because remembering 'what was' leads to contemplation on 'what could have been', which often makes us regret 'what is'. It is this regret which we most fear. It is essentially a fear of having missed out. Since Lemmy seems to be going classic memes, imagine the Bad News Bear meme saying, "it only gets worse with age." Seriously. It sucks.

[–] tias@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I've been wondering the same for a long time. For example I almost never listen to music from when I was younger.

Sure it could be trauma like some have suggested in this thread, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case with me. For one thing I can't say my childhood was traumatic, and besides I feel the same thing for any given time period in my life (I'm over 40 years old).

I think it's because:

  • It's a strong feeling. Even if it's a positive feeling, it can be difficult to deal with if it's too intense.
  • It makes you realize how many other pathways your life could have taken. Every choice you've made since has limited the options you have for the future. What if you made the wrong choice? What have you missed? Could you have been happier in an alternate universe? You're closer to death now than you were then. Time is running out.

Mindfulness meditation has helped me deal with it. It helps me explore feelings, good or bad, with interest (but detachment) instead of being consumed by anxiety. It has helped me internalize that I can always begin again. I'm not tied down by previous choices. Every day is full of opportunities.

[–] gmate8@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] GenkiFeral@lemmy.ml 9 points 2 years ago

Many of us fear feeling too deeply. I'd guess that is why so many of us escape into things that take us away from reality: soap operas/entertainment TV; drugs, alcohol, other addictions such as promiscuous sex that could hurt us, gambling, compulsive shopping that ruins our finances, etc. An online friend introduced me to vippassanna and sent me a wonderful poetic one-page article about it (lost it) and that helped a lot. Taoism and stoicism has similar teachings or thinking. It helps.

[–] InfiniWheel@lemmy.one 3 points 1 year ago

I feel like nostupidquestion is more appropuate for this question

[–] CreeperODeath@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Because they mark the inevitable passage of time.

[–] Shikadi@wirebase.org 2 points 1 year ago
load more comments
view more: next β€Ί