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"Eventhough I like to draw women and always wanted to draw myself as one, there was always some kind of barrier which prevented me from doing that..." Self image. Just come back to this one when you want to make progress and consider what the barrier is. My very low stakes advice would be start drawing, and see where it goes. No risk high exploration.
Yes but importantly do the two negatives cancel and now they agree with you or does it compound and give access to magic of some kind?