I just mean it’s harder to hang out with friends on discord and stuff now
Boynomoder
joined 1 month ago
I have a similar mood except it’s from moving timezones
dysphoria raving, doomer shit
Did I permanently fuck my brain by deciding not to look at myself for years?
So many girlies make posts like “X months on estrogen and I can finally see(or start to see) a girl in the mirror.” Or “I can actually stand to look at myself because I can see the changes that are happening.”
I feel like if I look in the mirror after all this time and don’t see a cis woman it’s jover, not that I can be sure my brain would even acknowledge I pass if I did with my potential BDD.
There is a really cynical part of me that thinks estrogen isn’t “magic” and all the baby trans will eventually be bitter and disappointed like me when that reality hits.
But I’m hoping I am just mentally ill and delusional.
spoiler
It could be going to the bladder, if google is to be believed, which I guess tracks cuz I usually have to pee after…but I also usually did before.
spoiler
Jerking off has gotten so mid, the orgasm is very underwhelming and it doesn’t feel like I really cum anymore (is it possible for your body to stop producing semen?)
but brown, blondes are overrated
I want this outfit, I want this hair.
I don't want to play act at being a girl and that's what it feels like I'd be doing if I tried to socially transition in the state I'm in.
I feel like this fear has paralyzed me for so long and I don’t know if anything will be good enough for my brain
Idk if I’d describe the feeling as “fireworks” tbh It’s just overwhelming and embarrassing
It’s weird that I am whole-ass married when kissing still flusters me 
I've had multiple women flirt with me first (and express explicit interest in kissing/hooking up) and when I escalate to kiss them, they start giggling, pull back, and keep saying how nervous/shy they are.
This is me and I’m married
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