“On the roof, it’s peaceful as can be, and there the world below don’t bother me…”

Bold of you to assume that it’s only when I’m peeing.

If only there were some way to prevent this…

Whenever I see “Florida man…” I think it can’t be any worse than the last one, and every time I’m proven wrong.

“The ability to speak doesn’t make you intelligent.”

Every time I open the fridge and see Sweet Baby Ray’s I have to fight the urge not to squirt some directly into my mouth. Does that count?

If she’d been with Larry David she would have at least had some edible underwear for sustenance.

That’s what they want. Live your life to the fullest just to spite these motherfuckers.

But when is Burrito BOWL season?

The scene in the junkyard with the Eric Idle Transformer and Weird Al’s “Dare to be Stupid” is permanently etched in my brain.

I think I’ll test this thought by using Sweet Baby Ray’s for my stir fry beef tomorrow.

Back when I lived there, the saying was “the rest of the US hates Texas, and the rest of Texas hates Austin”. Probably at least partially explained why it was so entertaining there.