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Boris Johnson vows to protect newts threatening plans for pool at his country manor
(www.independent.co.uk)
Trying to cover up his past failure with x.com I see.
I don't even want to know the answer because it'll be less entertaining than lemmy's collective imagination.
As for the question: I think your biggest problem is going to be inducing a proper clearout shortly before you go on your trip. Maybe laxatives?
Edit: I just realized, is the reason you don't want to go despite having toiles available stuff like hemorrhoids or an anal fissure? Because if so, there are creams for that my friend.
Hey fella: they "showed up" from where, and why?