Crowdfunding has been great for small indie video games and products and historically awful for film. Remember the Veronica Mars movie on Kickstarter? They raised a shitload of money from fans and then sold it to WB. We haven't seen a high profile film crowdfunded since. WeFundr exists, but isn't particularly killing it.
To make a real movie with wide theatrical potential, you need people willing to put six and seven figures in. Investors in movies want equity and access. They want a piece of the potential profit, they want to visit sets, meet movie stars and directors, and come to premieres and festivals. They want to have a cameo in the movie or give their kid a job on set. They want to see their names on a screen. They want to give notes. They want to tell their friends they made a movie. They want to be a part of the show. It's my job to facilitate these investments while protecting my filmmakers from interference.
I'm Jewish, and I actually don't like the whole "Rabbi will turn you away" thing. It's an arrogant and elitist old tradition that it's best we do away with. Otherwise I agree with you on everything else. Especially the food.