eupraxia

internet discourse is so attention-seeking, contentious and unempathetic that I feel like it's fostered a culture where people expressing hurt are routinely interrogated and doubted just in case they're seeking undeserved attention. (because some people do!)

so, people are caught between a rock and a hard place. They can be honest about what burdens them in a way that leaves room for critique, and take the emotional damage that comes from the interrogation of their experiences. or they find extreme, bulletproof-sounding, "nobody could be ok under these circumstances" ways of putting their problems that aren't in line with reality.

The former is honest but puts you at emotional risk when you're already vulnerable. The latter is inauthentic but does grant the solidarity and support they're seeking in the first place. I can't really blame the people who pick door #2, especially when this decision is conditioned over long periods of social media use. It's also in line with catastrophization, a common distortion many of us experience already.

notably, this has always been a common problem with how PTSD is understood, specifically complex trauma. many people discount their own trauma because it's not the typical "got my limb blown off" image of trauma and they'll occasionally be attacked for claiming they are traumatized. So they find more extreme ways to put their trauma that do get them the support they're seeking. (and need!)

I don't know what the solution to any of this is but I do feel it comes from a real place and I put the blame more on social media than the individuals, despite how annoyed I can get with people when I see it.

this is a phrase I've started to turn around in a trans-affirming way: god doesn't make mistakes, do you really think he couldn't conceive of a trans person?

Hey love this idea! Random shit to start a convo: I just lost my job today (not great but I'll be ok). I am maybe turning the corner w/ a longstanding chronic pain condition, after which I'm gonna get back to my hobby of fighting people in the park.

Also, if you feel like playing too: what have you been up to today?

Ultimately, we're discussing two different styles of communication that I don't see as any better or worse than each other - everyone finds what works for them in their circumstances and environment and your style probably works great for yours!

There's a fair bit of hostility and harassment I encounter in public for various reasons, and I also have some inherent difficulty processing speech and verbalizing. As a result, I take a pretty blunt approach to communication - one in which I do not mind showing that I'm angry, because that is a necessary thing to be sometimes.

I practice mindfulness a lot and do not generally feel required to say the first thing that comes to mind. But if a drunk asshole is following me home, I'm not looking to outwit em. I'm looking to stay focused on my safety while letting em know that I see em and I'm probably more trouble than they're looking for.

In serious conversation with people I care about, I do swear, but it's because phrases like "I'm so fucking sorry that happened to you" come naturally to me and are effective. The emphasis that a little bit of swearing can add in moments like that is pretty useful.

This all doesn't have to be your thing, like I said this is all down to personal preference - but it would be a mistake to assume that people who swear aren't communicating as meaningfully. It's just another tool that we have at our disposal.

My answer too.

And also for the benefit of anyone who's just played the base game: the DLC is basically a sequel, and I found it even more impactful than the base game!

1. why is letting off steam indicative of a weak character? I think that when under stress, it's actually indicative of someone being emotionally intelligent to recognize they need to let some stress out and find an avenue for it. I can't explain exactly why, but swearing has always been a pretty effective way for me to let out some stress mid conversation while staying focused on a problem.

2. some contexts call for aggression. i.e. If someone's making me or someone I care about uncomfortable in public, it can be pretty useful to bare my teeth back. A simple "fuck off" doesn't require me to engage with any of their bullshit at all, gets the point across, and carries it with a mild aggression that actually does make people fuck off much of the time.

3. it is imprecise, but in many contexts it's precise enough to convey displeasure and dismay enough to get the point across. In fact the power of "fuck you" is in how concise yet universally applicable and understandable in so many situations.

For some reason most of my partners have ended up being Cincinnati refugees. So I think I can second this. "it's a good place to be from" is a common refrain.

as a Colorado native I've disliked most every other person I've met from the state elsewhere, no particular reason outside luck of the draw I think

Much of the time communication isn't about being creative or coming off smart. It's about effectively conveying meaning with the tools you have. Sometimes that means simple, crude language is more effective at conveying something than all the wit in the world.

So when I'm in a situation that calls for its use, I don't care that "fuck off" is a dime-a-dozen phrase that doesn't make sense. It's never misunderstood, it's cathartic to say, and I don't need to think on the spot to figure out something more eloquent - my mind is on, y'know, who or what needs to fuck off instead.

Especially considering a lot of the creative talent behind Valve's acclaimed single player catalog are no longer at the company. Valve is a different company now and so their games will be different too.

funny you say that, I'm drawing from some past cult-adjacent experiences when I think about the subject. there's definitely lots of overlap and I think a lot of the social motives are one and the same.

It happens in many different contexts and often I feel there's a logic to it. Lots of people who are marginalized in one way are privileged in another. Maintaining access to that privilege can also mean an expectation to maintain your own marginalization. If someone feels they end up better on the whole by doing so, and isn't deeply connected to others without that privilege, and doesn't feel safe navigating life without that privilege, it gets pretty easy to justify on a personal level.

Sure, but broadly reducing red meat consumption is a pretty good idea for a lot of reasons. I think you're acknowledging this re: factory beef farms, but I think it's important to call out and also to note that a like 80% plant-based diet can be nutritionally complete, not ridiculously expensive, and more sustainable.