"Get off the drugs, dude."

Just needed a friend to care enough to say something so simple, and it changed my life. Sobriety is terrifying for so many, but in my experience it was absolutely worth it.

That guy's been drinking the Brawndo

I have a murder that visits my yard almost every day. I have a large bowl for water, I give them cheap dry cat food, and on occasion unsalted peanuts. Hope you can make some friends

Perfect Blue meets Princess Tutu

My friend had a stress-induced heart attack at 31 while working 60-70hr weeks trying to support his family.

Can't you feel my heart beat fast?

Open and close the metal shutter on the disk in their general direction to assert dominance

It's a Miguel kind of day

Worked with a guy who was told no by the CFO for one of his lame promo ideas, and his response was to slam the phone down, grab a wooden yard stick, and start whaling on one of the fake columns out on his show floor for several minutes before it broke in half and he stormed out.

The perfect 5/7 meme

The 2⁰ looks like 20 (for the 20yr old's birthday) but when you calculate 2 to the power of 0 it's equal to 1 (which is for the baby's birthday). It's a math joke, hope that helps

The gynecologist who always cut her patient's IUD strings super short because too many abusive partners were ripping them out.