Crazy Ideas

So it would be one of those 5 second ads. You get a white guy with a 12 inch dick, to wear the Burger King mascot costume from 2008. The one that used to sneak into womens beds as they sleep, and surprise them with sausage sandwiches. You know the one. Except you leave the fly zipper open so the dick can hang out.

Then you get ANY porn model female. As long as she has a good O-face for 5 seconds.

And then you have the audio. It's like a stomping on the bleachers sound of 20,000 people all doing it at the same time. To the rythem of Queen's "we will we will (rock you)".

Except you never get to the lyrics. It's just STOMP-STOMP-CLAP repeat repeat repeat repeat.

And the first stomp sound is shown the burger kings dick going into the woman. It's accompanied by the stomp sound as he thrusts, and the lyric "FUCK"

The next stomp is shown as just a close-up of the Kings gigantic plastic head. And the stomp noise, and the lyric "KING!"

The clap sound is just a shot of the kings testicles swinging mid-thrust, and the clap sound with the lyric "NUTS!"

And then it repeats, except on the second loop the "NUTS!" shot is a jar of "Burger King brand Fucking Nuts!"

Then it loops 1 more time, because rules of 3, and this time the word NUTS is a shot of a big bowl of nuts in the foreground, as king fucks this woman in the background.

So the whole thing is each shot is like 1/2 a second, and it's just STOMP STOMP CLAP STOMP STOMP CLAP STOMP STOMP CLAP. With the lyrics "FUCK KING NUTS! FUCK KING NUTS! FUCK KING NUTS!"

And then the 5 second ad is over and you start watching whatever porn you clicked.

Forget grand corruption. I want to see some small-time thievery from our presidents. If we're going to have a criminal president, I want them to be less "mobster," and more "meth addict."

Become president. Procede to start a four-year personal petty crime wave. Break into people's homes to just to steal their televisions. Break into construction sites to steal copper wiring. Habitually steal catalytic converters from cars parked in the Pentagon parking lot. Offer the proceeds of your crimes to a local charity, in cash, just to break into their office at night and steal it back.

Oh, and after each crime, issue a formal pardon to yourself, completely absolving yourself of criminal liability. Also, don't forget the best part. As you embark on this wave of petty crime, you'll have Secret Service protection! So even if someone does catch you, in broad daylight, laying on a dolly under their truck, stealing their cat with a sawzall, they won't be able to even get near you! The Secret Service will prevent anyone from being able to physically stop you! Hell, you can break into people's houses at night, just to rough up the place!

We'll cover all our bases and hire people of all faiths. We'll have tens of thousands of people praying to boost our science output. It's sure to work!

Your campaign slogans will be things like:
Whelp, we invented crocks. I think we're done here.
The fact we built ChatGPT proves we need to be sent back to the Stone Age.
We've had a good run. Time to quit while we're ahead.
Time to see if nuclear winter cancels out global warming.

When campaigning, promise that you will only do one thing in office. Upon taking the oath of office, you will immediately demand the nuclear football and order the launch of the entire US nuclear arsenal, all at once, in a completely unprovoked first strike against every other nuclear power and against every national capital on the planet.

In debates, your answers will be simple and direct:
What will I do about our falling education standards? I'll start a nuclear war!
What will I do to ease America's tax burden? I'll start a nuclear war!
How will I improve racial justice in the country? I'll start a nuclear war!

Bonus points if you can get a bunch of friends together and assemble a whole fleet of them.

See who yells back POLO!!!!

Here's what we do. We schedule a Lemmy meet-up. In BOSTON. And then we take a picture with all the half naked and drunk people all spilling their beer!!! Then, we wait until there's a domestic terrorist situation happening in real time, and we direct the police to arrest a completely innocent man based on absolutely no facts.....but we FEEL like it's him.

Yeah! That's the ticket!

and its' drivers work only under Windows ME for no apparent reason.

So maybe Waldo shows up at an orgy, or a strip club, or a rave. Maybe he's doing his taxes. Maybe he's at the Jan 6th riots.

The possibilities are endless!

So from now on instead of having governments stalling public works projects by saying "that will cost 115 billion dollars" they should be required to say that will cost 1.15 bezos.

(The light from the takeoff event is just now reaching their planet from Earth all those lightyears away)

For the sake of concreteness, let's take the Joe Biden registering to run in the 2024 Democratic Primary. He signs up and is asked for an election handle, aka username, screenname, whatever.

He tries "joe biden" but that is taken, as is "joebiden"... So yada yada yada, he settles on "joe4unions" or maybe something a professional would come with, but we'll go with "joe4unions".

Here's the Crazy Idea: New election rule. Candidates may never claim to be their handle; the handle cannot claim to be the candidates.

The handle can link data, post anonymized stump speeches, name-drop ("jack kennedy was a friend of mine. and user4164, you're no jack kennedy."), whatever.

joe4unions can insist he will run the country just like Joe Biden, but he can't say anything that, had joe4unions not really been Biden, could be considered fraud.

Chaos Online Primaries ensue to get the top 10 candidates. Remember, they actually had to register in person. There were eligibility checks . So it's not open-internet signups, but it's not far off. there could be admin-level policing (DNC) so all the Dean Brownings of PA can't be lying out there.

Now online voting doesn't exist (yet?) so I don't have some kinks worked out. I hope no one was here for something well-thought out.

Now top 10 candidates chosen by Jan 2024 can now run the "normal" process.

What do you think? have fun hating my idea!

Let's find that person.

As should teachers and staff receive Orange Heart medals as part of their retirement if they are victims of a school shooting.

A supervillain builds a bunch of robots to fight a war against everyone. The countries of the world will have to cooperate and make alliances to beat them.

Plus, now it would actually be moral to build cool weapons.

Examples such as:

This week you have to end every sentence by shouting your favorite food.

This week you have to start every comment with, "I beg your pardon."

"He did it baby! We're going to celebrate his Nosantaday on saturday! I'm so proud of him!"