The Onion

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The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

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founded 3 years ago
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listing: all - local
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Study: Overuse Of Hair Detangler Giving Rise To Product-Resistant Supertangles (theonion.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
9 comments fedilink
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Amazon's New Warehouse Robot Mocks Workers With Bathroom Breaks (isglitch.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by EtAl_isGitch@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
 
 

Latest AI Enhancement Includes 'Biological Function Simulation Protocol'

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RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola (chaser.com.au)
submitted 3 weeks ago by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
54 comments fedilink
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Donald Trump spends afternoon killing all Thanksgiving turkeys pardoned by Joe Biden (newsthump.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
10 comments fedilink
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FDA Bans Captain Morgan Rum After Having Way Too Much Of That Shit In College (theonion.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
16 comments fedilink
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Report: Most Americans Have Enough Saved For Absolutely Incredible Single Day Of Retirement (theonion.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
11 comments fedilink
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Defiant Joe Rogan insists he’s not a propaganda asset, just actually this stupid (www.thebeaverton.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
84 comments fedilink
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Conservative Vows to End All Systems of Child Abuse Except Ones That Actually Exist (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 3 weeks ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
8 comments fedilink
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Local Police Department’s Secret Santa Gift Exchange Entirely Made up of Punisher Merch (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 3 weeks ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
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Netanyahu Insists on Crimes Against Humanity During Game Night (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 3 weeks ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
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Dead Bird On Sidewalk Leads Man To Contemplate Own Inevitable Collision With Plate Glass (theonion.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by jbk@discuss.tchncs.de to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
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It Is Journalism’s Sacred Duty To Endanger The Lives Of As Many Trans People As Possible (theonion.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by FlyingSquid@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
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Misinformation Laws Not Necessary, Says Meth Addict Peter Dutton (theshovel.com.au)
submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
23 comments fedilink
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‘You’re The Bonnie To My Clyde,’ Says Biden Running Off With Pardoned Turkey (theonion.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
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God Looks 400 Millennia Younger After Infusing Self With Son’s Blood (theonion.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
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Beaverton: Experts warn Trump dangerously close to figuring out where Canada is (thebeaverton.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by GrymEdm@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
 
 

While experts have chillingly predicted that Trump may soon be able to identify Canada on a globe, others have offered hope.

“I don’t often say this as a medical professional, but we’ve really got dementia on our side here,” explains Dr. Arthur Anderson of the Calgary Alzheimers Research Alliance.

Dr. Anderson elaborates, “Given how much of the campaign President Trump spent rambling to Joe Rogan and jerking off microphones, the prognosis indicates that by January he won’t be able to find a bathroom unassisted, let alone Canada.”

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Trump Begins War on Elites by Giving Them Powerful Government Appointments (theshovel.com.au)
submitted 3 weeks ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
6 comments fedilink
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Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé | ONN (youtu.be)
submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by TachyonTele@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
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I can't believe my eyes (thejoyo.com)
submitted 4 weeks ago by JoYo@lemmy.ml to c/theonion@midwest.social
37 comments fedilink
 
 
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Opinion: Bluesky is a dangerous echo chamber because no one wants to hear from me, specifically (www.thebeaverton.com)
submitted 4 weeks ago by Nero@sopuli.xyz to c/theonion@midwest.social
6 comments fedilink
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Registered Sex Offender Forced to Go Door to Door to Inform Neighbors He’s in Trump’s Cabinet (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 4 weeks ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
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Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team (theonion.com)
submitted 4 weeks ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
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Trump Admits Entire Political Career Has Been WWE Storyline To Set Up Match With Cody Rhodes (theonion.com)
submitted 4 weeks ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
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The Election Fallout Continues: This Woman Is Refusing To Sleep With Her Husband Because He Is Donald Trump (clickhole.com)
submitted 4 weeks ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
5 comments fedilink
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DNC Chair: It’s Not A Waste Of Money If It Makes You Happy (theonion.com)
submitted 1 month ago by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
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