The Onion

The 2024 presidential election is on track to be the most expensive race in U.S. history. The Onion takes a look at the key facts and figures behind the spending. 

3: People wealthy enough to just straight-up decide election

$2.5 million: Cost of poll showing rural voters leaning red

14: Homeless people that could be provided with their very own F-22 Raptor fighter jet instead

23: Local TV stations living high on the hog right now

18 months: Age at which a PAC fully matures into Super PAC

**$7,000: **Daily rate for voice actor who can say “inflation” in really scary way

$17: Total campaign spending in Wyoming

$112: Tim Walz’s first pair of dress shoes

3%: Cash back in campaign spending you can earn with the Campaign Premiere Mastercard

**12: **Items remaining on Harris’s Amazon wishlist

**2: **Undecided voters that won’t know until another billion spent

Automaker's latest subscription model takes nickel-and-diming to new heights

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/26437692

Former President Donald Trump suggested that migrants have “bad genes” while criticizing Vice President Kamala Harris for her policies on the southern border, claiming that many immigrants have a genetic predisposition for murder. What do you think?

“I heard that 100% of illegal immigrants bring DNA with them.”

Janeen Fry, Loafer Shiner

“Still, it was nice of him to consider them human.”

Mitchell Slota, Carbon Reducer

“Just the kind of ignorant statement I’d expect from someone of Bavarian breeding stock.”

Jesus Alonso, Keyboard Optimizer

In newly resurfaced audio, the vice-presidential candidate is heard making disparaging remarks, calling childless children “miserable” and “pathetic”.

“Unfortunately, the coverage you paid for doesn’t extend to any situation where there is water in, on, or around your home,” said Pat Treacy, a claims adjuster at Countrywide Mutual Insurance who informed the Colemans that their policy had actually been voided the moment they first filled their bathtub or ran water from their sinks. “It’s industry standard, I’m afraid. Houses just aren’t meant to get wet. No insurance company anywhere would take on that kind of liability. If it’s possible to prove the house remained dry during the storm, and it just sort of fell down on its own, then maybe a case could be made for approving your claim.” Treacy went on to wish the Coleman family well and said he would keep an eye out for them on GoFundMe.