this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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traingang
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I agree that cars get given cop voice, but this particular example I’m not sure how you could reword that sentence. I think I would say “train derails after striking x” regardless of what the object was.
Train derails after striking cow escaped from pasture. Train derails after striking fallen log.
Active voice first.
"A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail"
I like hearing the important part first, here being "train derails"
Fair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.
How about “negligent driver causes train derailment”
Train derailed by wayward car on tracks
I like this one, “Train derailed by” I think is good, I don’t like the ones that start the sentence with the car. Even though the car is at fault, “Train derails” is the most important piece of information if you only came out with two words.
Train derails due to car crossing a red light
Car crossing red light causes train derailment
Driver derails train with foolish and careless driving