tl;dr partner of 3 years broke my rule and ate meat in the house while i was gone. wondering about the future of our relationship
for context, we had a discussion and set a rule that no pork or beef would enter the house because it makes my kitchen feel disguisting and unclean, as well as bums me out obv. not to discriminate against other types of meat but something about the smell of the two mentioned + the high fat causing it to stick everywhere is a hard, hard no. anyways, a few weeks ago i went on a trip and my partner decided to bring home and cook bacon while i was gone. my kitchen stunk for over a week and i was miserable. i made this known and thought we were good. i just got back from another trip and saw ha bought salami. i think he tries to be sneaky about it but now my nice, expensive wooden cutting board just feels contaminated because i dont know what happened when i was gone. im not just bad he broke a rule we talked about and he agreed to, but just disappointed he so desperately feels the need to eat a dead pig that he'd knowingly break a rule in our relationship, opting to sneak around me rather than grow a spine and talk about it. we've been fighting about meat for years, including him ordering it in front of me at restaurants (which totally ruins a date for me) esp when theres an easy vegan switch. whether or not he follows the rule anymore is starting to seem like a mute point because it just bothers me so much how little he cares after being with a vegan for 3 years. i wasnt a hardcore vegan when we got together so its just bothered me more over time and its starting to build resentment. anyone been in a similar situation or has any advice? are we doomed?
Honestly sounds to me like a complete incompatibility in terms of ethics and lifestyle as others have said, and I think you're in the right here for standing your ground. For those stumbling across this post from the wider Lemmy community, this would be like a person with typical Western sensibilities where dogs and cats are seen as sweet, innocent companions coming home to find that their partner who's agreed not to do this has been cooking up dog in their kitchen. It not only represents a breach of trust and is hugely disrespectful to their feelings, it's also something that would make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. Like imagine thinking every time you're away that your partner of multiple years might be dissecting and eating a cat corpse in your kitchen.
As partners of three years and seemingly cohabitating, I think a discussion is warranted first, but I wouldn't compromise for them; if they value cuts of pig corpse more than their relationship with you, that's their fault, not yours. I'm really sorry you're having to go through this.