this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
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Ignoring that this is probably bullshit, I think the bigger problem is that you've had multiple bigger and even more smaller arguments in only 8 months. Just break up.
Some people's relationships are literally built around arguments and competition and they last decades.
Not every relationship has to fit into your mold.
Idk if you saw my expansion in my comment to chicken in a different subthread.
If you have and this is still your answer, then whatever that'll be your opinion and I'll have mine. Some people smoke multiple packs a day and live to 80 but that doesn't make smoking a healthy thing to do either.
And I thought we left the "just break up over minor inconveniences" mindset behind on Reddit
Hit Facebook, delete the gym
If you consider multiple big arguments in the first 8 months of a new relationship a "minor inconvenience", then I hope you only have partners that agree with you and spare all the normal people.
Let's do a count:
Tell me, what is an acceptable frequency of arguments for you?
Since we're playing silly numbers: 0. You can, and likely will, disagree but healthy people shouldn't escalate into anything resembling an argument.
But speaking of silly numbers. All of those you used. No one says "a couple" when they have a concrete number in mind unless they're looking to downplay the number. It can be 2, it can be 3, it can be 4. It's only, definitively, more than 1.
Also, why are big arguments being weighted the same as small arguments? Although I'm not going to quibble over how many small arguments a big argument is "worth" (assuming we take 1 'small argument' as our unit).
Lastly, how often are you seeing each other in the first month that an argument, even a small one, doesn't throw up red flags. If you REALLY like them on the first date, you'd make time to see them like twice a week or something? I'll admit that there is leeway here as to what constitutes "dating" someone as some people see potential SOs for weeks (months?) before locking in. I also admit I'm abnormal as I frequently need time to not see people. My point remains that unless you've moved in with them as soon as you started dating, you are not seeing each other with enough frequency for that volume of arguments to make sense. Unless the arguments are about the (in)frequency of going on dates.
Isn't an argument what you are doing when going back and forth expressing any sort of disagreement? I realize that's not something everyone enjoys doing but personally I don't feel like I can get to know someone very well if I don't have opportunities to argue with them. Though I see what you mean if it's the sort of argument where you're getting upset with each other or it's a dispute about how your lives fit together like whose turn it is to do the dishes etc.
Hmm, that's given me pause, to reconsider.
I consider an "argument" when voices get raised and people get heated. Big or small is difference of how long people are upset and how loud participants get. I will concede I was unwittingly applying a definition other people may not share.
Note: it it gets physical, that escalates from "argument" to "fight".
Edit: to address your comment more directly. No, if people are being civil and tones are reasonable, a disagreement doesn't have to be an argument. It's just another discussion. Perhaps a debate. But an "argument" in my mind is oppositional.
This is called conflict avoidance and it's toxic. Cowardly hiding from your problems makes a breakup inevitable. An honourable couple fights their relationship problems together.
Check my comment to chicken and edit this if you want.