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this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2024
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My little one just turned 3 and it's starting to feel kind of off to call them by neutral pronouns but i think that's the gender binary cop in my head? They've been presented with all forms of entertainment and toys from barbies and princesses to monster trucks and dragons to basic numbers and colors and animals and all sorts of shit. Clothes of all sorts, frills and pink, dinosaurs and firetrucks etc.
They identify with the male characters. They love monster trucks and dinosaurs. They like mostly everything i would associate with masculine stuff barring like disney princess stuff. Idk I'm clearly overthinking it because of my own discomfort but what if they would rather just be called a boy, or a girl for that matter? Is it even possible to get an answer from a toddler about it? They're just not even thinking about it are they
I have a daughter who didn't really have many "girly" interests until preschool - I'm pretty sure most kids start to learn gender as a social construct from their teachers and peers.
Honestly, at this age, I just frame things like "many girls like to have long hair, but boys can have long hair, too" when I'm asked questions about gender and expression. The emphasis is usually on the fact that it's ok for people to do/like things that are usually associated with the other gender, and encourage self expression.
Oh yeah I'm not trying to force anything i just don't want to resist any expression of gender either
My kid is 4 and consistently miss-genders her friends, she clearly has no idea what gender is lol. Ultimately your Kiddo's friends and teachers will eventually start gendering them are some point. I think what's important it that your heart is in the right place and you'll be equipped to help them form their own identity when they're ready.
Lol, she'll figure it out
Here is a really nice personal essay about raising kids without gender---or as the author frames it 'gender freedom' which I really liked.
https://indi.ca/raising-kids-with-gender-freedom/
Thanks
I'm pretty comfortably cis and male so they could just be trying to emulate me rather than expressing themselves