Heyo! Stupid question, but I've been double-guessing myself on this and would love some external input on things.
I've been in group therapy since October (so like, 5 or 6 sessions so far). It's an open mixed group, so people of any type of mental illness are free to come and go. The general aim of the group is Behavioral Therapy and it's led by two psychologists. Sessions consist of a short powerpoint presentation followed by worksheets to be filled out in groups of 3-4 people. Generally I think the topics of the sessions, like time management, emotional regulation, stress management etc. are chosen well and do cover a broad spectrum of knowledge.
But, my issue is that I just get completely emotionally flooded and on edge whenever I go there. Which is normal for me, I start crying every time I get put on the spot about my feelings anyways (I've cried every single time I have ever had to talk to a doctor about anything regarding my mental health). But I kinda assumed it might get better? Like I can choke down the crying for the session at least (if I don't get asked about anything bad), but I always cry on the way back home and it's starting to be pretty distressing. Like I consistently lose the latter half of the day to headaches and recovering, and the amount of times I wake up due to nightmares definitely has gone up significantly since starting therapy.
Another thing is that a new person joined the group, and she has a particularly dramatic inflexion in her voice that sounds exactly like my mother whenever she's fishing for sympathy and being the victim. It's really not this person's fault that they talk like that (she's probably a perfectly fine person!) but I do struggle to not flinch whenever she speaks. Recently we also got put into the same group and I completely zoned out and went unresponsive when she tried talking to me ๐ I didn't mean to offend her really, and I'm not sure why I would react like that, but it just kind of happened..
I'm really trying to work on this kind of emotional reactivity, but the part I'm missing is that within therapy, they've explained the model of [situation -> thought -> action], so being aware of situations that bring you into a specific thought pattern and then re-examining that thought pattern can help shape different actions. I'm neither sure which situations upset me like this nor am I sure what sort of thought would contribute to it, as I don't really have any thoughts when I choke up like that. It just seems like a random bodily reaction that floods me with bad feelings (and I can't even elaborate beyond "bad", even if I know all the emotions I can't really name specifics that I experience).
I know it's dumb, but like, maybe there's a type of therapy that could work better than behavioral therapy? Or do I just need to stick it out and continue going? My insurance has approved weekly sessions until April. There's also the issue that I did get an Adhd diagnosis recently and am currently calling around to find a doctor who is willing to prescribe meds (it's complicated here in Germany). So my struggles might just be an adhd thing?
How have your experiences with therapy been? Are you supposed to feel better after every session? Is it supposed to be bad at first but get better with time?
You can't blame yourself for how you feel or how it affects you. You might, like me, be too tough on yourself.
The only real advice I can give is to make sure you reflect on all the positive things you gain from therapy. Think about stuff therapist have recommended you to do, do them and think about how it improved your life. Even if it's just a minor improvement.
And always remember it's okay to not be okay.
Me. I have days where I can't see the end, can't enjoy things I used to like. But I force myself to go outside, go to the supermarket or whatever. Just this tiny walk every day has made the number of horrible days so much less. The days thermselves still suck really bad but they are further apart. On this day, I allow myself to feel sorry for myself and try my best to act cheerful for my wife and get out of her way quickly so that my negative mood doesn't affect her too much.
Bottom line: just think about how therapy has had a positive effect on you. I have no experience with group sessions, but considering one of them has an effect on you, try to find out if any of them have experienced positive effects from your input. You might feel better about therapy itself if you know you're helping others.
But as a final thought I'd like to second what was said in the other comment. It is imperative that you talk to one of the therapists and explain what you are experiencing. Maybe in a few months, you'll be able to share this with the group and explain how you got through it.
Keep at it and focus on the positive.