this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2023
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I agree that the goal would be for perception to match intent. But the acknowledgement that in order to do so we must iterate on a poor first communication highlights the fact that the perception is the important aspect as intent is static and unchanged by further iteration.
If perception wasn't at least as important as intent, then you could make a well intentioned communication and not worry if it was received correctly.
I did write some more but managed to fat-finger delete it and now I can't remember what I was trying to say. I'm hoping my point has still come across clearly? Sorry!
To the ends of coherent communication, intent always has to have priority over perception. That's not to absolve speakers of responsibility for failures of communication, just to define the ends of communication.
Consider a discorse you may have heard before, in some variation:
A: How're you? B: I'm terrible. I was trying to mow the lawn today, and the mower just wouldn't start. I think the gas I used was too old. Did you know gasoline can actually expire? (etc for a couple of minutes). A: I'm so sorry to hear that. Your total is $57.48. Will that be cash or card?
B misinterprets A's perfunctory greeting as a literal inquiry. What's more important? That A's original intent be understood (I.e. A simple salutation and transaction)? Or that B's interpretation be recognized and explored? I believe it's A's intent.
Or maybe: C: Nice shirt! D: What? C: I said that's a nice shirt man. It looks good on you. D: I'm not gay. C: What?
D's perception of C's compliment as a sexual advance is incorrect. What's more important here: C's intent, or D's interpretation? I believe it's again C's intent. Maybe it's easier to empathize with C here, but I think the principle holds broadly. C gives a compliment, and D replies with a general inquiry as to the intent. C mistakenly believes that he was not heard clearly, and repeats the statement with greater detail. D, believing that C is clarifying that he is making a pass at him, expresses that he is not interested. C is confused D's seemingly random declaration of his sexual orientation, and asks why he said that.
And on it goes when people talk past each other. But the way people stop talking past each other is by understanding the intent behind each other's words. Understanding a perception, or more particularly a misperception, only gets you part of the way there. It helps you determine whether or not communication was successful, but it is a measure of the success of communication only by the degree to which it conforms to the intent of the speaker.