this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2023
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Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is that? What the f*** is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE TRUMP?
Private Gomer Trump: Sir, Top Secret Nuclear Documents, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Top Secret NuclearDocuments?
Private Gomer Trump: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How did it get here?
Private Gomer Trump: Sir, I took it from the White House, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are Top Secret Nuclear Documents allowed in the barracks, Private Trump?
Private Gomer Trump: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you allowed to have someone to read Top Secret Nuclear Documents to you , Private Trump?
Private Gomer Trump: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: And why not, Private Trump?
Private Gomer Trump: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Trump!
Private Gomer Trump: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then why did you try to sneak Top Secret Nuclear Documents in your foot locker, Private Trump?
Private Gomer Trump: Sir, because I was hungry, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry...
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Bonespur Trump has dishonored himself and dishonored his platoon. I have tried to help Private Trump. I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not given Private Trump the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Trump f***s up, I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU! And the way I see it, ladies, you owe me for ONE TOP SECRET NUCLEAR DOCUMENT! NOW, GET DOWN ON YOUR FACES!
aaaaaand scene