The Onion

4573 readers

1394 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

seahorse@midwest.social

pbrisgreat@midwest.social

316

It Is Journalism’s Sacred Duty To Endanger The Lives Of As Many Trans People As Possible (theonion.com)

submitted 19 hours ago by FlyingSquid@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

4 comments fedilink hide all child comments

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] NOT_RICK@lemmy.world 77 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (2 children)

We just made Quentin up, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean stories like his aren’t potentially happening everywhere, constantly. Good journalism is about finding those stories, even when they don’t exist. It’s about asking the tough questions and ignoring the answers you don’t like, then offering misleading evidence in service of preordained editorial conclusions. In our case, endangering trans people is the lodestar that shapes our coverage. Frankly, if our work isn’t putting trans people further at risk of trauma and violence, we consider it a failure.

I’m gonna laugh instead of cry

Edit: lmao at the unibomber’s signature at the end

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 43 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)

It is against free speech to stop us from fixating on the genitals.

For more evidence of our time-honored journalistic commitment to endangering lives, please see our previous coverage of gay people, immigrants, Black people, and women.

What if doctors are climbing through windows to suture penises to sleeping cheerleaders?

All great journalists, and even those lesser journalists who don’t work for The Onion, eventually ponder why we do what we do. Is the point of reporting to illuminate the world around us, so that we may make meaning of it? Or is it to cause people in minority groups to question their humanity and persuade others to demonize them? We know where we stand, proudly dreaming of genitals.

Fucking hell this is one of their best ones I've read 🤣

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 27 points 18 hours ago

They really outdid themselves. And if we're all quoting our favorite parts...

Much of the recent debate concerns medical procedures, particularly in children, and whether things like hormone replacement therapy or gender-affirming surgeries are safe and appropriate. Indeed, there are critical questions to be asked about the social complexities of gender, as well as medical ethics in a profit-driven healthcare system. We are simply not interested in any of that. Instead, we will use flawed data and spurious logic to repeatedly write the same hand-wringing arguments asking whether there are suddenly too many trans people around. Journalistic integrity demands nothing less.

[–] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 7 points 18 hours ago

Is one of the others a baseball player lmao