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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-11-27 05:01:08+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwawayfiancecheat
Originally posted to r/AITAH
AITAH for exposing my ex-fiancé’s mistress 12 years later?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: infidelity
Editor’s Note: OOP’s original post was made a year ago on June 24, 2023 in AITA, it was removed, before reinstalled this month
Original Post: November 19, 2024
12 years ago, I (36 F) was engaged and about to get married to Karl (fake name). Everything in my life seemed perfect until I found out my fiancé was having an affair with a new hire of his job called Camilla (20s F). Both of them were in serious relationships.
I broke off the engagement with Karl as soon as I found out and told Camilla's boyfriend about the cheating.
Well, it was hard for me, but I moved on after months of therapy and the help of my friends and family. Now I am married to Henry (41 M) my amazing husband and father of our four children (9F, 7M, 4M and 4F).
I moved to the other side of the country years ago, and I never thought about my ex-fiancé or the cheating again.
My husband works in a law firm. Last year they hired a new lawyer, Daniel (34 M), who moved with his family to live in our area. He and my husband became very good friends, as they have similar interests and personalities. Henry asked me to invite Daniel’s family to our house to help with adjust to the new city and job.
When Daniel came to my house for a play date for our kids (his kids are 4M and 2F) he introduced us to his wife, Cam (30s F). Well, Cam was Camilla. I really didn't know how to react when I recognized her, I had the impression that she also recognized me. Our husbands didn't understand why everything seemed so tense, and we pretended to not know each other and made failed attempts of small talk. After an hour, Cam made up an excuse and her family left.
Henry noticed my behavior and asked me what was happening. I told him everything. He already knew about my past with Karl and the affair.
Later that day, I received a text from Camilla begging me to not tell Daniel about “our past”. I read the message and didn't reply. But I decided to not say anything and mind my business. This was not my problem anymore.
After a week of silence, Daniel shows up at our doorstep looking very agitated. He talked to my husband alone and after, Henry asked me to tell Daniel my version of everything. Like my husband, Daniel realized something weird happened on our meeting and spent the week trying to get answers from his wife. She refused to tell him what happened and then tried to say I was her ex-boyfriend side chick and that's why we were so tense. Daniel didn't buy her story, and they had a massive fight.
After the fight, he realized I was the one that could tell him the truth. And I did tell him everything after he asked. I even showed him the text message Camilla sent me. I didn't feel the need to sugarcoat things, since Camilla was out there telling lies about me.
Daniel was in complete shock because cheating is a trigger for him. His father cheated on his mom for years and left the family for his mistress, which made him hate cheaters. Camilla knew about this since their first date.
Daniel left our house looking defeated, and in the same day I received a call from Camilla accusing be of being a revengeful b*. She said I was trying to destroy her life.
I don't think I was wrong for telling the truth, but this happened last year and I received calls and random messages from people close to Camilla saying I am an asshole for exposing Camilla’s past to her husband. AITAH?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: NTA. You told the truth after she told lies. Did she expect you to go along with what she said so you could be the bad guy for as long as your husband and daniel are work mates?
OOP: I don't know what she was thinking, I have no reason to lie to cover her.
Commenter 2: NTA!! You are the hero of the this story! Actions have consequences. You did nothing wrong and merely stated facts and truth about what happened between Camilla and your ex-fiance. It would have been wrong for you to lie to Daniel as he deserved to know the truth to make an informed end decision. If it were you, I’m sure you would have wanted the same consideration as I know I definitely would have. Text Camilla “sorry to hear about you and Daniel but hey, maybe you and Karl can get something going again.”
OOP: Funny thing is that after our engagement broke off she did tried to date Karl and he kicked her to the curb. I heard this from mutual friends
Commenter 3: The affair relationship never stands on its own legs once it comes to light. It’s much easier/exciting to be sneaking around vs the grind of a normal adult relationship. That and Karl probably just wanted the physical part and nothing to do with her as a person lol
OOP: yeah, I'm sure that Karl and her didn't have much to do after both of them stopped leaching off from their loving partners. Camila's ex was a great guy
How did Camilla get OOP’s cell phone number?
OOP: From Daniel's phone. We have texted about setting up the play date for our kids, Henry gave him my number.
Commenter 4: NTA...... You literally tried to help her by not revealing her secret. Which is kinder than most people because I know I would have told her the second I see her face in my house, "you're not welcome here." But she had the chance to be honest with her husband multiple times: on the first date when he reveals his feelings about cheater, when he first asks and then afterwards, but she still kept lying, which means she hasn't grown healed nor improved, who she is as a person since she was the mistress of your former fiancé, she literally is still trash.
I just hope Daniel is doing okay
OOP: I would never do a scene at my house, especially because deep down I am very relieved I didnt marry Karl. I'm happy with Henry and our children. Cami is just a memory from the past. Seeing her having marriage problems is not something I like
Update: November 20, 2024
I posted this on the AITAH subreddit, since this happened a year ago and some people wants to know what happened since then I just decided to post this on my page.
First: This is not a fake story, the only thing that's fake are the names. I am not AI either.
Second: I don't think cheaters must be punished forever. While I would probably never want to be close friends with Camilla, after the inicial shock I would have no issues being civil with her. I don't think she deserves to live though hell because she was awful years ago. I also don't think she was the worst person, Karl definitely was. He was the one who's about to marry me, but she was a willing part of the affair and she knew me from their office, also everybody there knew Karl was living with me and we were engaged.
Third: Camilla got my number from Daniel's phone. I have a pretty uncommon last name and my name is not popular either. Daniel got my number from me. Henry gave me his contact to set up a dinner date to introduce our families. I texted him, we already have met sometimes on the office and at my house when he came by with Henry. Daniel texted me back about setting up our plans for the kids play date and that's that. My husband didn't gave Camilla my number, at the time this all hapepned my husband had seen her just once while at the office with Daniel. The fact that Camilla had access to her husband's phone is not weird to me, her actions were.
The update:
Daniel and Camilla are not divorced. After leaving our house Daniel stay at a hotel for a while. Then he got back to his house and they started doing couples therapy.
The harassment though calls and texts lasted over a month. Henry was about to send a cease and desist when he decided to talk to Daniel about this. Daniel handled it. What I know through Henry is that most of Camilla's flying monkeys didn't know the full story and when Daniel set things straight they stopped.
Camilla emailed me months after, apologizing. I accepted her apology, but we are not close and I don't felt like her words were genuine. Most likely she wants to save her marriage.
Talking about their marriage, Daniel and I talked some months after this at a party in my house and I told him that I felt terrible for my part on their marital problems and he reassured me. Daniel said that they were already having issues before we met, seems like she wasn't happy about moving here and leaving her family on the other side of the country. Also, they were having money problems because their old state has a higher cost of living, since Camilla left work after she got pregnant with their second child they had less money and cutting costs on their lifestyle was making them fight. The move to our state made sense because it was a better position with a good raise.
I don't know much else about it, just that recently Henry told me that Danie...
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AP partner decided to lie and truth comes out. Something called karma.