this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
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askchapo

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Cishet dudes of Hexbear: Do feel that certain gender or sexuality norms are harmful to you personally? If so, what are they and how would you say they affect you? (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by Carcharodonna@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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So, back when I was "still cis tho", there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I'm still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.

Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we're talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3

EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it's a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.

Speaking of which... I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin'.

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[–] absolutefuckinidiot@lemmygrad.ml 17 points 2 weeks ago

Havent read rest of the thread yet so maybe this has been brought up already, but biggest thing for me especially when younger is the stigma towards men having female friends. I've always been the sort of guy that finds it easier to connect and form friendships with women than men, and as such most of my closest friends throughout my life have been women.

It was always exhausting to explain to extended family or whoever that just because I'm close friends with a women doesnt mean that there is a romantic or sexual aspect to our relationship. It can be frustrating to be out in public with a female friend have it be assumed that you are in a romantic relationship of some sort by restaurant staff or similar. I would say it has also impacted my ability to actually have a relationship like that with someone as well because people assume that I'm not straight because of my close relations with various women, and it is frustrating to be asked if you are gay just because you are out at the club with your female friends. The stereotype of the "gay best friend" I really do not like because I don't think sexuality and attraction is cut and dry like that and I feel uncomfortable trying to explain this to people, especially in the context of being at a club or party. I've also had a tough time in the past with women I'm trying to see in romantic capacity being upset that I have female friends that I want to spend time with as well, despite the fact that we've been friends for over a decade and our relationship has never been anything other than platonic.

Basically I've always struggled with the fact that many social forces make it seem like it is not acceptable for a guy to be close with a woman if they aren't trying to fuck them. Really bothers me and has definitely made me doubt myself in the past, and sadly also caused me to drift away from some previously close friends.