ADHD

I think a lot of people here found it a bit caustic. But I don't necessarily disagree with the point I think you might have been trying to make.

There's a line that's pretty easy to draw involving intent and behavior. However the actuality is the world isn't made for us and this is as much an accessibility issue as it is anything else.

This is pretty clearly demonstrated in the show House. There's at least one episode where House is in a wheel chair and he illustrates how he can use that wheel chair to get away with a lot of intentional behavior masked as accidental or otherwise unintentional. At one point I believe he even makes it clear it was intention and able bodied people give him a pass because "you wouldn't hit a guy in a wheel chair".

When people think each incident is unintentional they are more likely to be willing to compromise their irritation or boundaries. When they feel the incidents are intentional they feel righteously angry and are less likely to fall back on social norms. However they still generally default (for people with physical disabilities) to compromising their boundaries in order to be socially accepted or not look like the bad guy. This is part of the problem with the whole thing.

This is part of the problem with this discussion. The main assumption here is that each party is operating on the social norms laid down by NT people and nobody in the thread seems to be readily able to agree on what specific behaviors make you an "asshole" because it's subjective and ND do not generally have the same reference baseline for what is acceptable.

This is not making excuses. It's laying out facts.

There's a lot of anecdotes here in this comment thread. There's a lot of personal experience that is valid but does not necessarily equal the experiences of even a marginally reasonable subset of the population to make an analysis of what constitutes an "asshole", or what behaviors specifically are NT or ND.

But it seems we can mostly agree that deliberately using the condition of being neurodivergent as a shield for behavior we know is not acceptable is wrong.

The scale by which we measure that isn't decided by ND people though. It's decided by a society of mostly NT people. And because society by and large doesn't even necessarily acknowledge those differences and make boundaries based on facts and education rather than feelings we end up with this hodgepodge of badly enforced boundaries, unhealthy masking that does real damage, and under/overreaction.

But people still deserve empathy. That empathy doesn't mean you should abandon or alter your boundaries to accept unacceptable behavior.