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Noted philanthropist Donald Trump makes buying stocks affordable to all Americans through kind-hearted economic crash (newsthump.com)

submitted 1 day ago by merdaverse@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

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“With the near trillion dollar sell-off on the Nasdaq alone earlier yesterday, the rapid devaluing of assets has allowed the American public unparalleled access to cheap stocks and shares on the market.”

Economic spokesman for the White House, Chuck Williams, claimed, “People use words like slump, looming economic depression, lowest recorded IQ of any president ever, as though they’re bad things.

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[–] SabinStargem@lemmings.world 1 points 5 hours ago

EutelSat, and the European MIC just got a $800b investment. Also, NANC and KRUZ might work. They follow the stock actions of major politicians like Pelosi, though dated by 30-60ish days IIRC. You won't be quite on top of things with them, but at least you will be imitating the moves of the most informed fish.

...mind, if the market tanks, buying and selling might move too quickly for NANC and Kruz to be useful.