Low Effort Memes

Ahhh, you missed the burger war of 2016!

My wife was craving, and I quote, "a burger big enough to choke an elephant."

Challenge accepted.

I get the supplies together, and set out on a mission. Great big ol buns, and an obscene amount of beef. Half a pound each. I was not fucking around, and was perfect willing to make mine a three meal endeavour, I don't mind leftover burgers.

So, these fuckers are full bun sized, and almost an inch thick when cooked.

I get everything plated, all the fixins on the table and give a yell.

Annnnnd it was on. They were "too big, do you think I can suck an orange down or something?" No comment.

But, you said you wanted a burger that could choke an elephant.

I didn't mean literally, I can't even take a bite!

Well, squash it down.

But then it's all squashed.

Then cut it into pieces? I don't know, you said you wanted giant mouthfuls of hot, salty, greasy meat, and you turned down the D, so you gotta work with me here.

But it's a burger, you shouldn't have to cut it.

I take a giant bite

I don't have to.

Well, yeah, but you could suck elephant dick, sasquatch boy.

I'll give you something to suck, you sass machine.

I just want a burger, couldn't you have made it bigger around instead?

Maybe if you wanted it to hang off the bun like crazy, they only make them so big. Any thinner and I'd have had to cook them one at a time because they'd be the size of a plate.

Well, why didn't you just cook smaller burgers altogether?

Because you said you wanted a burger that could choke an elephant. If you just wanted a bunch of regular sized burgers, you could have gotten a whopper or whatever.

But you know I can only open my jaw so far.

Yeah, I know exactly how far, and that burger isn't anywhere near that thick, thank you

It is with the bun and everything! It's thicker!

Look, you turned that down anyway, not my fault. Just cut it in half and make two burgers.

But then it's only crusty and crispy on one side.

Well, I can give it a quick sear.

But then it's over cooked

Do you not want the burger? Look at the dog, she wants it.

I want it! I just want it where I can get my mouth on it to take a bite.

reaches over and pulls the patty off, then squashes it on the plate

There, that'll do it.

But now it's all messy!

Woman, you do know there's limited options here. You said you wanted huge. They're huge. They're amazing too, no matter how squished and messy. Eat the burger.

Fine!

Mumble-grumble jaw going to hurt for days, rassin frassin yeti looking hairball

So, is it good?

Mmph.

Is that a yes?

Myus, itsh good. frantic chewing and swallowing

See, I told you

enter the bird of paradise, flipping my way

Love you too baby