this post was submitted on 06 Sep 2023
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Showerthoughts
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This might sound silly but I'm trying to attract someone who told me in the past they have ADHD. Should I be doing anything differently?
Leave out a few pieces of cheese, and sit very quietly. If the cheese doesn't work, try cookies, they tend to attract most things
Lol, but to answer the question seriously you might need to be slightly more direct than with someone who can focus through a whole conversation. It really depends on the person and the severity of their symptoms, but in general just trust your instincts. People w/ ADHD aren't known for hiding how they feel haha
ah yeah, this is what I was wondering about! I had heard that before and thought maybe I was being too subtle this whole time.
They often compliment my hair and what I'm wearing but won't go further than that. One time I complimented their hair and they blushed HARD. Like put their head down and looked a little embarrassed. Like maybe they only want to compliment me and not the other way around?
Some things that might explain the intense blushing:
a) anxiety is comorbid with ADHD. What this means is that if they do have ADHD/ADD then is it highly likely they also have some sort of generalized anxiety.
b) if this person is amab then any sort of compliment is going to send them over the moon. amab individuals rarely get the same romantic attention that afab's do. So it's entirely possible they simply didn't know how to respond to that situation (I still remember the first time a person complimented me)
All of this is to say it sounds like you have a good handle on the situation but you might want to consider slowly ramping up the obviousness of your intents and watch how they respond. Obviously do whatever you are comfortable with, but it is probably a good idea to try and take the lead in this situation (but again, trust your instincts)
I think they are amab but they ride the androgyny line pretty hard so I can't really tell.
I started wearing a trans flag necklace and noticed they started really warming up to me once they saw it. Last time I was around them they made it a point to stand very close to me to tell me something so you're right - I think I just need to ramp up my interest in them so they notice more.
I do hope they like cheese as much as I do.
Relevant SMBC
Take a genuine interest in their obsessions. Not a performative "I want you to see I like this for you" but a real "I've been going out and doing this on my own for the past few weeks/months and I want to talk about it"
You do actually have to do it, they'll spot your bullshit before you speak it.
It's so crazy you brought this up. I've been accused of faking interest in the past when I wasn't and was actually doing the thing on my own.
My last ex did this a lot actually. Great example - he started watching Columbo so I took an interest and also started watching it. Then he like got upset? Told me not to be interested in it at one point?
I had another guy do this too but with hip hop and he waited until we were like two years into the relationship to accuse me of not really being into old school hip hop? Like why. I was literally living with the guy and he would come in the room where I would be listening to stuff on my own. Hell I still listen to Three 6 Mafia and Digital Underground. I even knew about Digital Underground before I ever met him. Like it was such an outlandish claim that I was faking an interest.
I never once faked anything but I've gone out with numerous guys who pull this shit for some reason. The only thing that makes sense is they were trying to fuck with my head on purpose.
Now I focus on myself more cause it seems pointless to be interested in things other people are.