I am so exhausted.
My older brother has to be the most selfish egoistic person that exists on this planet. When I meet him everything is "fine" he talks like the friendliest person ever, always has a positive opinion about things and can generally talk very well.
My grandpa died a few months ago so my mother and her brother got the inheritance. Since my mother didn't want anything and left it to her brother our state by law asks the children of the next generation if they want to accept or refuse inheritance.
So my mom didnt want it and she told us to not accept it either. It would be 25% for me and 25% for him.
I said sure, fine - my brother was still thinking about it cause we own a small little "land".
Long story short: My brother talked with my oncle before hand and begged to give him the property and he wouldn't accept the inheritance in exchange. I didn't know about the deal and during all this I questioned the land with my mother and my brother as well but my brother kept saying: "We can't do that, it wouldnt be right to accept the inheritance if mom said we shouldn't."
End of story: I didn't accept it (moral reasons), my brother didn't accept it but he got the land and is now bragging around that he owns land.
I couldn't care less, I got my own stuff but I hate how he handled this whole shi.t making me look like a greedy dude in front of my mother cause I questioned it but during that time he already had a deal with my oncle about it.
Man I hate people.
This isn't the only thing I noticed. I am seeing very clearly 35 years too late. Everytime we go out with his kids I pay for his coffee, I pay entrance to stuff for his kids cause he says "You are the oncle you gotta do it once in a while". Last weekend I visited him for a coffee in his area and we went to the local coffee shop again. I already invited him 5 times and this time he said he would pay. Right before we had to pay he said he has to use the toilet and disapeared for 10 minutes until I was done paying. He does pulls that off every single time.
It's hilarious cause I never really bothered about those small things. Even my father, my stepfather and mother say he is a selfish person and my mother basically disinherited him a few years ago so I will be getting most of my mothers stuff when she passes away.
Yesterday was easter sunday. He visited the "new property" with his wife and children but only invited his wifes family to the BBQ event he planned for his new "yard". My mother, lives about 1 mile away from the property and she didn't get invited. It was her property. She was so mad when she found out they didnt invite her.
My mom called me and said it was the stupidest idea ever to let her brother have everything and if she would have known that my brother did such a deal she wouldn't have let this all happen. Now she has to live with the fact my brothers wifes family being on her old property. I cant pack this whole thing in the topic here but my mother isnt "good" with his wife.
I know I didnt get "ripped off" because I didnt own anything here. But I feel like my brother screwed me. I know I shouldnt feel this way cause it was never my inheritance to begin with.
That all sucks. To answer your question: decide whether you really have to deal with them forever. In this case, unless I'm missing something significant, it sounds like you could cut your brother and his family out of your life. It sounds like their contributions are exclusively negative, and after going behind you and your mother's backs with the land thing, you'd be perfectly justified to cut them out.
In short: don't deal with them.
I had barely talked to any of mine in ten years, had hoped to never talk to them again.
Then I got diagnosed with cancer and had nowhere else to turn.
Sometimes the plan to never talk to them again doesn't turn out as great as one would hope.
I'm really sorry to hear that. Sometimes life puts us in a place where we need our family, even if they're awful.