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‘There were no warning signs’: what happens when your partner falls into the ‘manosphere’?
(www.theguardian.com)
this post was submitted on 20 Apr 2025
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^ This reply shows me you don't understand what men like Andrew Tate are selling. He's selling validation to these boys and men, and you're providing a perfect marketplace for that product to sell like hot cakes.
When you reply like that to these people, the mental picture of grown men having hissy fits and "mashing downvote buttons with tears in their eyes" might feel good in the moment, but those men and boys aren't actually reacting like that. Instead, the message they get is they were right the whole time, that people like you really do just hate men and masculinity, and that people like Andrew Tate are the ones "on their side".
I get that it feels good to trigger people you don't like, but all you're doing is making Andrew Tate's job easier. Don't you think he's already making enough money as it is?
Yah I used to one-on-one real-life coaching and mentoring, I've done my time, I've done my service, I've had several boys who became men send me letters thanking me for "saving their life" so I disagree about ALL of this, we shouldn't be expecting anything with our stupid online chatter. This whole post is useless compared to actually getting out and talking to people, making an actual impact on someone's life. The one thing that NOBODY wants to actually do. None of you readers out there want to talk to some incel and listen to their problems and give them actual help.
You want to bury men like Tate? You start getting boys off the internet entirely.
Well said. Looking down on impressionable men with this sort of smug contempt is how we go further down the path.
Thank you, and I fully agree. I truly hope we're not so far down that path that bringing these boys back to sanity is impossible. Liberal western society spent a lot of time neglecting these boys, and that's ruined a ton of trust these boys once had in society.
Literally all that right-wing extremists like Tate had to do is tell these boys, "Hey, everyone seems to think you're the problem. I'm here to tell you that you aren't a problem - rather, they are the problem, and here's how to deal with them and get yourself ahead" and before you know it, they were eating out of the palm of his hand.
It's pretty clear to me that looking at boys as "the problem" instead of as human beings has a lot to do with the mess we're in right now.
Can I look down on them with disgust instead?
Andrew Tate would probably thank you for doing so. Without contempt and disgust from folks like you, he wouldn't have nearly as large of an audience, nor such an obscene amount of money.
If they need validation from the likes of grifters and scumbags like Andrew Tate then they are already too far gone.
He's a fucking tool, and I have no idea why he appeals to young men. There's so many other, manlier, kinder folks out there who can provide that same validation.
I disagree. Maybe if they received validation from their families and community, they wouldn't need validation from grifters? I think it says quite a bit about society when people feel the need to purchase the same kind of validation that they used to receive for free from their own communities in ages past.
Nobody likes being told they're worthless, they're a loser, they're an incel, or a "stupid bro", or that all of their struggles aren't valid. If everyone around them is telling them those things - Including you - Then validation becomes a rare and valuable commodity... A commodity that someone like Tate can make a lot of money selling to people.
And yet, those "other, manlier, kinder folks" are not out there doing that, are they? Instead, many of them are calling these people losers and incels and lost causes beyond all redemption, just like you are right now.
Why should they listen to those "other, manlier, kinder folks" when they aren't acting very kind to them?
Maybe they're too far gone, but you're talking about impressionable young boys, like 10-16. At those ages we as a society agree that a lot of all childrens personalities aren't dictated by their own choices since they lack the life experiences and cognitive abilities to function as an adult. Instead they're highly impressionable, influenced by their social sphere and nowadays their social media feeds.
So sure, maybe you could say they're fucked from the jump, but understand that they are not taking as active of a role in who's forming their thought processes like a 25 year old getting hooked on Tate is.
I've been a 10-16 year old boy. At no point was anyone like Andrew Tate "cool" to me. He's not witty, he's not talented, he's done nothing XTREME. He's clearly putting up a massive front to pretend to be interesting and for some reason - microplastics, smart phone addiction, whatever - it's working.
Back in the 90s we would have called him "poser."
Tate just talks into a microphone with his stupid friends. If that's what is considered "cool" to today's teenagers then they're definitely too far gone.
I honestly don't even know what to say lol. How do you think anyone forms an identity ever? We have - I was going to type decades - but centuries of case studies and writing about why people get roped into cults of personality and insane belief systems despite looking like lunatics from the outside.
What do you even think is happening to these people? Based on your previous reply the answer is "I have no idea" which should tell you you should look a little deeper into what's happening.