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I want to agree, but I don't wanna be downvoted or have some sort of Egotistical view of myself. But a lot of the time it can feel that way, especially when interacting with family or relatives.
I'm Black, and I learned the hard way of what NOT to talk about when I'm around other black people my age. It's a long ass story, but for years, I struggled to understand certain things we say or do as humans; why someone would be Christian but be so hateful towards their neighbor, how someone can livestream a shooting and get millions of views (This happens more so in the hood on Facebook), Why pointing out a fallacy in someone's words can irritate them, or why people get so frustrated at me when I notice/point out something before others can do so.
Idk, I dont think of myself as this fuckin "Hotshot MENSA smartass who knows everything and is better than everyone," Cus I'm not. There's always someone who's far more knowledgeable in something than I am, and that's okay! But oftentimes I feel like an alien or a mutant; from the way I talk all the way down to my interests; it always seems to separate me from others.
There's sooo many things I'm curious about!! But it seems like no one cares to converse with me about such things. Instead, they get frustrated with me, and I learned to instead Be Seen and not Heard. I want so badly to just—start up a conversation with someone IRL about some random ass topic I've been hyper-fixating over, but the only person I can ever talk about such things with is myself.
A lot of the time I feel like I'm not actually supposed to be living on this plane of existence, like there's some other universe or realm I shoulda been placed into. I feel like I get punished for questioning shit too much or being too open to so many topics. It's like whatever I have a deep interest in at the moment, is not socially acceptable to talk about in public, I just don't get it??
Why are other people so stubborn about some things, Why can't people ever listen and internalize some of the stuff I say? Why can't I just, start up a conversation about religion, psychology, random ass medical facts, or like- (idk man it's hard to pinpoint what stuff I talk about the most, but its often just shit I researched, like Mental disabilities and art, or how Alcohol could potentially be beneficial to people with really bad ADHD, or if the world suddenly went vegan, how would this impact the environment.)
Like, I know WHY people dont wanna talk about shit like that? It can be morbid loaded or triggering but, why do people react so negatively? It just seems like a lot of people only want to look at things at face value, and if I question their viewpoints, I will always be punished, rather than the person engaging with the question, and then we start talking about it.
Idk, It'd be nice to talk to people IRL about stuff and have them engage back with me. I wished people were more curious or had better introspection. How people react to certain things is the one thing I can never wrap my head around. I can sit here and boast about all the cool, scientific shit I know, yet, I can't seem to relate to others or socialize properly? And to me, being social means everything!
My "genius" means nothing if I can't figure out where I fit in society. What's the perks of being "smart or knowledgeable" if you have no one to share it with; EVEN WORSE is when the person already knows about that topic but assumes this self-righteous Dogma that, when challenged, they get hostile about it and claim superiority.
I don't like to think too highly of myself. I am still a human, I'm no better than anyone else, and there will always be some aspect of me that someone else has the upper hand on. I strive to remain humble, or I hope I'm being humble... But it's through all this different shit I learned and researched it's like... God, I feel like a platypus in a den of—anything else that isn't a platypus. Sometimes I can't help but feel like I know more than everyone else; and that everyone is too "simple-minded". There are times I fall into this weird egotistical view of myself; I'm just glad I'm able to recognize such feelings and address them.
Idk, maybe I'm TOO introspective? To the point I gaslight myself... Maybe I just think too much?? What scares me is the fact I will never fucking know WHY or HOW I got into such a headspace. To have a question that can never be answered... It scares me, the fear of the unknown... There are things in my own mind I may never be able to comprehend, It's like I'm completely colorblind and trying to imagine what green looks like. GOD, it seems so fucking simple but it isn't?! Ugh... idk, Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
I wrote waaay too fucking much, Im sorry yall 😭😭😭