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how did you and your partner change after having a baby? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 week ago by sarah2653@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

21 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/30568522

I've heard several stories about couples that suddenly stop having sex, start snapping at each other for stupid bs, your girlfriend who was so sweet and supporting becomes her mother, a raging, yelling psychopath, looking for excuses to be passive aggressive, inviting her friends back home when all you want to do is rest after your workday, your boyfriend, so passionate about you is suddenly cold towards you and wants to be left alone. Before having a child you were inseparable, now it's like you hate each other and rant about your loved one with your friends...

I couldn't survive such a radical personality change.

Does this phase eventually runs its course?

How do you find the mental fortitude to ignore the stupid bs your partner does or says?

How would you describe love to your partner a year after having a baby?

Is there any way to know if you and your partner are going to make it and remain a couple after having a child?

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[–] misteloct@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Our kid is not quite here but the parenting has already begun. My wife's sleep is very disrupted due to the incessant kicking, and in turn mine. Sex has been physically impossible for many months and her hormones make it mentally impossible. She's too tired to do many chores so my load has doubled.

But we are happy, I'm crying tears of joy many times a day, never felt it before. If anything I feel more confident in our relationship, we find ways to be sweet to each other. This is what we wanted and no surprises here. We did the work, therapy, and talked about it and planned constantly.

We were once like that though, communication is a skill that we learned the hard way. If you're feeling unsure, please don't have children (yet!). The parenting preparation can take years, don't rush it.

[–] Taalnazi@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago

Congratulations and may it go well to you both!

[–] makingStuffForFun@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Good on you for therapy and good communication. Best thing I ever did.

Second time around, this marriage is a world apart from the first. The trust, and depth of love is real. It doesn't happen by accident, as you have shown.

[–] misteloct@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago

Glad you have found happiness too, Internet stranger!