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how did you and your partner change after having a baby? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 week ago by sarah2653@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

21 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/30568522

I've heard several stories about couples that suddenly stop having sex, start snapping at each other for stupid bs, your girlfriend who was so sweet and supporting becomes her mother, a raging, yelling psychopath, looking for excuses to be passive aggressive, inviting her friends back home when all you want to do is rest after your workday, your boyfriend, so passionate about you is suddenly cold towards you and wants to be left alone. Before having a child you were inseparable, now it's like you hate each other and rant about your loved one with your friends...

I couldn't survive such a radical personality change.

Does this phase eventually runs its course?

How do you find the mental fortitude to ignore the stupid bs your partner does or says?

How would you describe love to your partner a year after having a baby?

Is there any way to know if you and your partner are going to make it and remain a couple after having a child?

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[–] ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 week ago

Namely: there became another human in our lives. Our children became our central focus in our lives.

Being a family is a different dynamic and being a parent is a significant role in life. It is a relentless onslaught of needs and chores for someone that is neither of you. Babies don't know boundaries and that has a very real effect on their caregivers.

If you're birthing a baby: be aware of post partem, don't be afraid to seek help, talk about it, and you deserve a chance to breathe regularly.

If someone is birthing your baby: giving that someone alone time with themselves (usually by having time with said baby yourself) is one of the most important devices for bringing you all together sans conflict.

Essentially if a mother can get the mental load of parenting off for a day--a few hours even--there should not be any (new) trouble acheiving or maintaining intimacy.