GOP

At some church in a backwoods Parrish...

And now bow your head in prayer,

Lord, we just ask you to protect our real President Donnie John Trump from his felony indictments, because we know he's innocent and the justice system is the deep state. He's totally innocent, and all judges are liberal.

And please, Lord, make people stop saying that he cheated on his third wife while she was pregnant with his fifth child with a porn star and then used campaign funds for hush money because, Lord, we know that he could have been witnessing to her when he accidentally dropped his bible he fell into her hoo-ha.

We thank you, Lord, that Lauren Boebert was able to reach across the isle. And give a hand job during a family performance.

And Lord, we thank you for the party of family values and leaders like Marjorie Taylor Greene, who slept with her CrossFit coach and a sex guru while she was married.

And Lord, thank you for the Louisiana legislature that they are able to stay laser focused on what is truly important. They're not distracted by little nuances like being last in teacher pay or 46th in education, no sir! They're not sidetracked by trivial details like crumbling roads bridges or infrastructure they're able to zero in on what is your will lord which is making sure which potty people go peepee and poo poo in and the airplane gay fairy dust raining down on all us God fearin' folk.

Amen!