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OP you have given us way little information. How was your parents marriage before this blow up? Were you not close with your mother before? You mention you are close with your father but nothing about mother. Also were you upset or angry by the actions of your father? From the information you have shared (that you are staying with your dad and his mistress), it seems that you are not bothered by what is happening.
Now based on the limited information you have given, your father is clearly the guilty party here. He did something that is morally wrong. Hopefully you understand that. Your mom is very hurt and must feeling betrayed (slightly even by you because you chose to stay with your dad and his mistress). In that emotional state, she is making a unreasonable request to you (to go no contact with your dad). If you want a good relationship with mom, you will have sit down with her and reach an understanding and compromise with her. Maybe you can go to therapy with her like some other commenters suggested. One thing I am sure about is that if you side with father on everything, you will end up estranged from your mom.
Their marriage was always hot and cold. I never had a great relationship with my mom. She’s a very judgemental/cold person. She hated my feminine behaviour/preferences growing up and still does and used to berate me for that. She didn’t support me when I came out as gay. My dad always supported me. In a way, I’m glad their marriage finally broke down. Life at home is so nice and peaceful now without her around.
Stick to your guns OP. People here are judging your Dad for cheating, but it sounds like your Mom has been actively alienating everyone around her for years. People who make life difficult for those around them will eventually find themselves alone. People eventually stop dealing with their bullshit, and move on in life. It sounds like you and your Dad decided to move in a less stressful, more fulfilling direction. He found love, and you found peace, while your Mom wants to continue sowing discord, drama, and chaos in your lives. I don't blame you for rejecting her efforts, and choosing peace.
No, no, he cheated. If only he was open with it, it would be okay. But this is disgusting instead. Rather a honest asshole than an eye servant. Eventually, with this attitude you will succumb to stress and fall apart. Be honest instead. Before then, you can't even work on not being an asshole.
I don't fully agree with you, we don't have enough details. From what i've read mom could have been abusive towards dad (at least emotionally), and that makes doing everything in the open pretty scary. I'd forgive someone who cheated to get out of an abusive situation.
Yes, you are correct but it seems very unlikely that he ran to his young assistant for help instead of some other trustee and then got in a secret relationship by accident.