this post was submitted on 15 Sep 2023
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Comradeship // Freechat
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If someone's pronouns are known, use them. To do otherwise is disrespectful.
That makes sense and it wouldn’t be hard for me to do, but it might be a cultural thing, but where I am people use they/them for absolutely everyone unless requested by the person or directly specified, or they’ll use their pronouns and they/them interchangeably.
But I see what you’re trying to say, I hope I don’t come across as dismissive or not agreeing.
I've just seen too many bigots say they/them for trans people because they are too bigoted to correctly gender the trans person, but don't want to seem bigoted. I'm going to assume you're acting in good faith, so please be aware that using they/them when you know someone's pronouns is still misgendering.
Of course, I understand what you mean. It does seem like a sneaky way to be transphobic without being overt about it.
I was actually a bit confused about that when I first heard that being a problem, and I was also a bit confused by reactionaries crying that they/them isn’t grammatically correct or whining about “being forced to use they/them”, because when I say that where I am it’s used for everyone, it’s used for EVERYONE, even if their pronouns are known. Cis, trans, non-binary, AMAB, AFAB, neo-pronouns, it doesn’t matter, everyone is “they/them” lmao. Only caveat is if the person asks you to not use that, or use something else instead, then it’s seen as rude or bad form to keep going with the they/them.
But I definitely see what you mean, and while it’s so ingrained and common I’ll probably keep doing that in real life, I can definitely try to avoid using they/them online.
Thanks for the explanation!