But, it's not totally untrue. I've been asked by trans friends, "when are you going to come out?" too many times not to wonder if I am somehow deep, deep in the closet.

If I could, I would be both, and change appearance at will. I know some of this is that non binary part of me, and some of this is simply that I find women attractive. I'm the sort of obsessive person who wants to become whatever I find interesting. It's rooted somewhat in objectivication, not so much personal validation.

I don't really feel dysphoric with my body, but I'd love that button.

So I'll continue to lurk, and maybe one day I'll realize I was in the closet all along!

[–] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh cool! That's like, gender fluid, adrogynous I think? Non binary describes a whole array of genders, like its an awfully huge tent. But the labels are just there for fun or if you find them helpful. I think a large portion of trans people have similar obsessions 😅 For many many trans people, Euphoria is a better indicator than Dysphoria. What makes you happy, and giddy and excited? It's not closeted to understand yourself as a non binary gender, but it might be closeted to present as if that identity isn't present at all. I'd be hypocritical to be purist about this. I'm a trans female, but I present as... Sort of (gender) queer? You can tell I'm a bit fruity, but would not likely assume I'm trying to present as female.

[–] peanuts4life@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago

Hmm, I think I experience something like euphoria (maybe excitement?) when I dress in feminine clothes or take on feminine roles.

When I was a child, I was very cross with the whole concept of gender. I thought for a long time that intersex people were more common (I assumed genitals were more random at a young age); the fact I was sort of stuck with the "boys" really annoyed me. I wanted to do everything with everyone, and I really despised being forced into a social box. I would dream 33/33/33 as a girl/boy/other, and often characters would have mixtures of primary and secondary sexual characteristics.

I think I'm sort of non gendered, I suppose. In my mid 20s I started meeting lots of trans musicians, and I really dug their music / art. I felt like it really spoke to me, but what's odd is I didn't feel like I wanted to transition. I just wanted gender not to exist.

I'm supportive, of course, of my friends transitioning. For me, I'm not sure why I want to press the button. I think it's a desire to be everything, or to have those experiences I missed out of growing up.

It's all at odds with my sexuality, which developed to be pretty conventional, but I think that's just because it's convenient and easily reenforced. If I pressed myself, I could probably be pansexual. However, I have a partner now who's great, so I'm not really interested in experimenting.

I know I conflate gender and sex at some points here. Sorry for the ramble.

Thank you for being kind 😊😊😊😊

[–] SingularEye@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

frightening

[–] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wdym?

[–] SingularEye@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 year ago

reading it causes me fear