118
I don't understand why I can't be blunt. (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by larsthespacepirate@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
65 comments fedilink hide all child comments

lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let's try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I'm coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it's so annoying when my family, who knows I'm autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I've explained multiple times that I'm not trying to be rude and I'm just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn't work. I just don't understand why I have to say "hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)" in some high pitched voice when I could just say, "can you not let the dogs tangle?" in a tone that conveys I'm serious. it's so much easier when intentions are simply stated.

edit: I'm having trouble posting comments but thank you for all your responses! it's helping me see things a bit easier, and I definitely have things I can work on now :)

another edit for clarity: my family and I have talked about my communication style. I've tried to find ways to meet them in the middle, as I want a compromise. they've been unsuccessful but I'm continuing to try. I want to be at a point where it's not stressful and exhausting to talk to my family. this was more of just a vent post, as I was feeling really annoyed.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[-] Aesthesiaphilia@kbin.social 17 points 1 year ago

I'm just trying to communicate in a way that works for me

Maybe try communicating in a way that works for them? This isn't autism, it's narcissism.

[-] Alexmitter@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago

That's the most abelist answer in this thread so far.
"Maybe if your wheelchair is bothering them, try walking"

[-] Aesthesiaphilia@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago

Analogy works, though.

"This place isn't wheelchair accessible but I need to go there"

"Can you walk? Do that."

If OP is low functioning enough that that's not a possibility, then other options can be explored. Or to return to the analogy, if he's totally paraplegic, then other options can be explored.

[-] MaxFuryToad@kbin.social 3 points 11 months ago

Except absolutely nobody is going to return the favour. Everyone communicates in the way they know how and comes in a more natural way to them. You just expect OP to neither eat or have the cake.

[-] Aesthesiaphilia@kbin.social 5 points 11 months ago

No they don't. Autistic people maybe. Neurotypicals will modify their speech patterns to be better understood by the person they're talking to.

[-] larsthespacepirate@lemmy.world 1 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I have tried communicating with my family their way for years. i try to talk to them about my needs. they still don't listen, nor work on communicating, except for my sister. I'm exausted from trying to communicate in the way they want with nothing changing. im tired every day i interact with them because they wont listen to my mental needs, just physical. i want our communication to be a compromise, but they won't try to even understand why this way of communicating works for me. i would be completely ok meeting them in the middle if they tried. I want to meet them in the middle for all of our sakes. but no. and my father IS a narcissist so maybe don't assume. he's straight up said that we communicate how he wants to communicate or he won't listen. I'm not the one who screams at people when don't talk the way I like (aka both my parents and grandma), I'm just some dude who was exausted and annoyed and went to lemmy to talk it out

this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
118 points (100.0% liked)

Autism

6511 readers
10 users here now

A community for respectful discussion and memes related to autism acceptance. All neurotypes are welcome.

We have created our own instance! Visit the following community for more info:

Our Community

Values

Rules

  1. No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments e.g: racism, sexism, religious hatred, homophobia, gatekeeping, trolling.
  2. Posts must be related to autism, off-topic discussions happen in the matrix chat.
  3. Your posts must include a text body. It doesn't have to be long, it just needs to be descriptive.
  4. Do not request donations.
  5. Be respectful in discussions.
  6. Do not post misinformation.
  7. Mark NSFW content accordingly.
  8. Do not promote Autism Speaks.
  9. General Lemmy World rules.

Encouraged

  1. Open acceptance of all autism levels as a respectable neurotype.
  2. Funny memes.
  3. Respectful venting.
  4. Describe posts of pictures/memes using text in the body for our visually impaired users.
  5. Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
  6. Questions regarding autism.
  7. Questions on confusing situations.
  8. Seeking and sharing support.
  9. Engagement in our community's values.
  10. Expressing a difference of opinion without directly insulting another user.
  11. Please report questionable posts and let the mods deal with it. Chat Room

Helpful Resources

Relevant Communities

Autism:

ADHD:

Bipolar:

Mental Health:

Misc:

Neurodivergence:

Social:

^lemmy.world/c/autism^ ^will^ ^happily^ ^promote^ ^other^ ^ND^ ^communities^ ^as^ ^long^ ^as^ ^said^ ^communities^ ^demonstrate^ ^that^ ^they^ ^share^ ^our^ ^community's^ ^values.^

Lemmy World Donations

The admins of our instance work hard to ensure that we have a good place to host our community. They are also helpful at protecting our community from trolls and other malicious actors. They do this for free, so if you appreciate our community, please consider donating to them. The first link is the preferred method, but both work.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world
SpaceTurtle224@lemmy.world