TW: gross

Look, I know this doesn't compare and is going to sound silly but my best friend in high school ate glass noodles once and had the worst smelling farts that have ever existed on the planet.

I have smelled some awful smells in my time, then and since, and nothing else compares to the foul odor that my friend emitted that day.

For reference, here's a list of things that my friend's farts were worse than:

• fresh skunk spray on a dog that had over-full and leaky anal glands that needed expressing

• a pile of rotting salmon and salmon guts in the summer heat

• a seafood cannery that was really bad about following any safety and environmental regulations

• pungent dead mouse or all manner of rotting carcasses for that matter

• pus-filled gangrenous wound that was a pilonidal cyst on a mentally ill heavy drug user (also their breath with an entire mouth full of 100% black rotten teeth)

• open air garbage dump in the height of summer

• paper mill

• mushroom farm that fertilizes with chicken manure and opens vents to let the gas out to keep from exploding which is so strong it sinks up a 3 mile radius

• the noxious gas of a lactose intolerant person with IBS who just slammed a milkshake and garlic jalapeno cheese stuffed jerky sticks

The latter was close but not quite.

Yes. My friend's farts were worse than all of these. For dumb reasons we were trapped in an enclosed space and I suffered for hours with no access to fresh air while they sat back and cackled.