this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2023
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more than that, in my experience when i simply cannot do something and try to force myself to do it, it leads to me feeling like i'm going to die.
The phone scrolling is a form of self-defence to distract from that feeling of "i'm useless and god is about to smite me for sucking so hard"
There's just this... dread or uneasiness whenever I'm forced or forcing myself to do something. Like, cleaning is great on the rare occassion I just naturally have the energy and will to do it, but anytime else it's like torture.