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Wiki - The paradox of tolerance states that if a society is tolerant without limit, its ability to be tolerant is eventually ceased or destroyed by the intolerant. Karl Popper described it as the seemingly self-contradictory idea that in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must retain the right to be intolerant of intolerance.
You demonstrate my point.
I set up a scenario with two identical people, differing only in the order in which two independent ideas popped into their head. In every other aspect, they are identical. Any question you decide to ask about Bob, the answer is the same for Adam. Any question about Adam, the answer is the same for Bob.
What you are talking about is valid and important. I readily concede that causality plays an important role in all manner of philosophical discussion.
However, I am trying to get you to understand that these issues are not the only important factors present in this paradox. Indeed, the arguments you presented indicating both Adam and Bob are at fault arises not from the causality chain of intolerance begetting intolerance, but from the context that both are homophobes.
To understand my concern, you need to consider the idea of simultaneity: that both sides sincerely and legitimately believe themselves to have been intolerated by the other, and both sincerely and legitimately believe they are thus justified in canceling the other.
We need to move on to Charlie and David. Both are performing intolerant acts against the other. Both believe the other was the first to act, and both believe themselves to be the victim of the other's intolerance. The paradox has no problem with counter-intolerance. Both believe their own acts justified, and the other's to be unjust.
To David, Charlie's acts of intolerance are fascist. To Charlie, David's acts of intolerance are fascist.
Where the causal chain is disputed (And it is always disputed), Popper's Paradox effectively argues that war is better than peace. I do not subscribe to that philosophy.