Comradeship // Freechat

Yeah the al Aqsa response has fucked me up. I've spent my whole life feeling complicated and oftentimes ignoring my roots because it was too personal to engage with, I'm learning basic things this Israel v Palestine news cycle that I haven't before. The first 4 days I did nothing but pace around religiously read Palestinian telegrams make war music and drink. And now I feel myself clocking back out again, no amount of music or graffiti or talking to the people around me about it makes me feel less powerless. It's also weird because it really highlights the rift between me and my dad and most of his family (my Palestinian side), I tried to talk with him about it and he seemed disinterested in talking to me. There's a whole slew of reasons though.

Other than that okay, I got arrested but I might qualify for pretrial intervention (no jail, dropped charges, just about $600 in fees, probation and community service, which sucks but is better than minimum 3 months maximum 3 years in prison). I really worked some Machiavellian muscles on the cops, it felt like good practice. I managed to avoid several other charges...suffice to say it could have been much much worse. If there is still a God I thank them.

I've stopped smoking weed (incoming random drug tests, but I was heading that direction already anyways) so I've been emotionally processing the last 2 years for the first proper time. I'm crying a lot and rewatching Breaking Bad.

I got a new job, hazmat removal, mildly interesting, more importantly it actually pays decent, I might be able to actually slowly pay off my debts and work towards my goals instead of treading water indefinitely.

Many of my coworkers at my first job rap or produce and I'm excited to work with them.

One of my coworkers I got into a pretty heated argument yesterday, 3 different people all tried to deescalate. He was being very disrespectful but I kept cool enough. I'm very disappointed, I liked the guy, I hope we can mano y mano and squash it but I'm not sure it will be worth it.

I get lonely romantically and sexually, but I've discovered I have no business being on dating sites et. al. right now, it just leaves me feeling worse whether its success or failure. I wish I could just turn off the feeling for 6 months or so and not be bothered by it.

Quitting smoking (cigarettes too) has made my voice much better and I think my future singing work will go from a D+ to a B.

I helped my ex move, she was in a dangerous situation. It was the first time I've seen her since last March. It was hard but it was also okay.

I saw my brother with my family recently. We had Mexican 😎 I'm always amicable to some Mexican. But I always overspicy my mouth with the salsas and then have to HAHHH HAHHH HAHHH 🥵 before I can eat my actual entree 😅