Things are going to be a lot different from now on!
this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2023
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No, I will make it EVEN BETTER:
From now on the week days shall be known as:
Migrant blaming Monday
Trump Tuesday
Wanker Wednesday
Trans shaming Thursday
Fascist Friday
Sex offender Saturday
SS Sunday
Furthermore, my team will develop official clients so we can block all the other ones in the future (who needs those anyways).
We will block access from the web as well through anonymous accounts.
We managed to get some ad revenue partners on board so you can watch your favourite ads to the content you'll get delivered through our newest and most innovative algorithm that'll rank posts from our greatest supporters at the very top even tho you have already seen them dozens of times.
Oh, and btw: we are releasing subscription models offering you perks like:
Random earrapes (who doesn't like these)
Even worse UI
Actually getting content
Having less money
Getting preferred by the algorithm
Feeling like your worthless life has an actual meaning
A customized handjob from our team <3
Oh, and free accounts have the downsides of being rate limited to 5 posts a day, 1 bit of text when commenting or posting and a resolution of 16x16 pixels for images.
Want to work for us? - No problem. Our employees have the luxury of having their own toilet cubicle where they can eat, work, shit, work, work even more, ~~sleep~~, work, and repeat...
We already replaced the content management team with Blind AL - saved us ten dollars!
Matt Damon is in, are urine?
Holy shit post within a post. Slow down. You could milk this into like weeks of posts.
Maybe it's because I have the Sauerkraut genes, we are efficient ;)
You had me until I read Thursday and Friday. No way in hell the real elon would be able to stick to just one day of the week for either. Otherwise a very convincing post.
Yeah true, he would just alternate the week days to his desires (probably even over the course of a day)
Sounds great! You seem to be a real business genius.
I learned from the best: Elon Musk (fucked Twitter), Bobby Kotick (fucked Blizzard) and John Riccitiello (fucked Unity)
honorable mention Steve Huffman (fucked Reddit)