i'm pushing 40 and have only recently been given an informal diagnosis (seeking out a formal diagnosis currently) from my therapist of ADHD, so it's all new to me and changing the way i look at my behaviors and patterns. i've been thinking about this distinction between executive dysfunction and depression quite a bit lately and wanted to bring it to other folks who have a better grasp on how their ADHD impacts them and see if this resonates or if i'm maybe not hitting the mark.
i have two different things that i've always identified as 'depression', one that includes the sads, and one that doesn't but has the same low energy and inability to get anything done without external pressure to move me forward. the impact is very, very similar, but the feeling is very different. with the one that includes being sad, it's that sadness that's the driving force behind my inability to move. for the one that doesn't, it's just.... i don't know how to describe it, it's just an inability to get myself to take action.
i'm in the middle of an episode of the second one now. i find myself listless, bored but can't get myself to do anything about it, hungry but nothing sounds good when i think about the steps it takes to get it, and it's when my memory is the worst and i most often find myself misplacing things, unable to focus, or doing that thing that Hal does in that one Malcom in the Middle cold open when he goes to replace a lightbulb but is working on the car when Lois gets home. this doesn't feel like a good description, but that's how i feel about literally everything i do or talk about when i'm feeling like this, so i hope it's coming across ok.
does this sound like there's a differentiation between the two to ya'll? anyone feel similarly?
one thing that is sticking out to me is when he talks about ADHD seeing a task and knowing they need to do it but can't, followed by folks on the spectrum being unsure what to do... and i really identify with both in various situations.
at work, inferring what people need is damn near impossible for me and i'm constantly amazed by my boss who will be in the same meeting as me coming out with 13 action items when i don't catch any at all.
at home, when i have big tasks, like how my garden needs to be weeded, i see it and i can't get myself to do it. i had a 6 week stretch where i watched my backyard get overgrown and couldn't get myself to mow it at all. the same happens with dishes and tidying of taking what's in the dryer out and putting it away.
and these things seem to ebb and flow where sometimes i'll walk into a room and know exactly what the vibe is and other times i'll just be lost and numb to how others are feeling.
You can have both, colloquially known as AuDHD.