this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2023
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Too much on weddings...
The USA government considers marriage a tax and law advantage. Thats all it is. A mutually agreed upon union to gain a capital advantage. Don't blow your savings to play dress up and get your family drunk. Don't throw a party for everyone.
Marry the one you love for the $35 marriage license and be done with it. You still end up being married, with tax benefits. Yes you won't have the memories of stressing yourself out just to go through with it, but you will still have your money, and a better chance at having a good life with your piece of shit spouse that only works to spend your remaining time and money driving you into the ground until you get the courage after 4 years to stand up and divorce them. Luckily for you, you saved a bunch of money to pay your lawyer.
I'm tired. Good night everyone.
That took a twist at the end
But I like dressing up and throwing parties for my loved ones.
Just tell your family some stranger on the Internet said no. They should understand.
No
Tell them you have a family emergency.
10/10
Boo freaking hoo. Name a more iconic duo - a scorned divorcee and being bitter. Let people do whatever they want to do - including lavish weddings.
I'm not divorced. I just like writing satire surrounding my personal opinions. Also, I personally stop every wedding I can. I want my wife and I to be the only married couple on earth.
YES! Fucking Christ! Someone else shares my opinion on this issue! Weddings as they're done in the US are so stupid and expensive! Wedding rings are also stupid.
I'm all for the continued symbolism of marriage so rings are cool in my book. It's still a serious commitment. The jewelery business however is a glittering turd with blood embroidery.
I bought placeholder rings from Walmart for maybe $20 -$30.
I upgraded to a much nicer $10 tungsten ring from Amazon.
I upgraded my wife's band and engagement ring to a handmade 14k Gold and moisanite combo from Etsy that was somehow cheaper than if I had made the rings myself. Must have some good connections, idk.
Either way, do your marriage how you want. Symbolize it how you want. I just want 8% of your gross income afterwards. It's only fair. I mean I just basically saved you twice that amount.
if I ever get married my wives will be wearing anodized aluminum rings
My wedding was my wife and I going to the courthouse on pi day, promising we weren't related, signing the marriage document, then having a pizza pie for dinner and apple pie for dessert, total cost ~$85 (including $30 marriage license).
A couple months later we went to Hawaii for a week and a half with both of our parents and my wifes best friend. Landed and spent a day puttering around since we were all tired, next day we had a ceremony on a gorgeous little beach (millionaires housing community beach, still public access like all beaches but hard to find and not much parking by design) officiated by my dad, had pictures taken by a photographer who also got the permit flowers etc, and spent the remaining 8 days honeymooning/vacationing. Our parents paid for the condo we stayed at as their wedding present ($1500 of $4500 would've been our share) and paid for most of the food while we were there. Total cost was $900 for a photographer (worth they were great and definitely worth it), $500 for plane tickets since we got them early and went in early May when the islands aren't too busy, figure $300 in food and activities that we did without our parents . Wife's dress was $600 including alterations.
Total cost ended up being under $2500 paid over 6 months or so. We got married, had pictures, and a week and a half vacation and honeymoon in Hawaii for less than most people pay for a random venue for 8 hours in the off season.
Sounds like a good deal for a couple nerds.
Is Pi day a day were you celebrate the number Pi? 3.14?
Indeed it is, March 14
$35?! My whole wedding cost $50. What jurisdictions offer marriage licenses for only 35?
I just looked it up and it was actually $40. All in all mine cost around $80 including a couple cheap rings from Walmart and gas.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I hope we paid the notary since she stayed after work in city hall. She was a sweet lady. Since my wife and I just wanted to be done with it, she asked if we had any words and when we both said no she asked if she could and said a few sweet things and started crying when we said "I do".