this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2023
161 points (100.0% liked)
Asklemmy
43803 readers
912 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Cutting others off excessively. It's normal when you're in a large enough group for there to be some overlap, but some people do it constantly and are only interested in hearing themselves speak. Makes being around them impossible since I often have trouble speaking up anyways.
Edit: I took instantly to mean on first meeting them, so I may have interpreted the question wrong lol
Edit2: I also should've been a bit more careful with my words, as this kind of behavior can be attributed to an anxiety response and isn't always done out of apathy. I really apologize if I offended anyone by overgeneralizing.
The behavior often indicates they are not very balanced in general and are over expressing themselves kinda like a coping mechanism. If they realize that it is happening, they are probably quite uncomfortable with it too.
I didn't have issues with stuff like this before I was disabled. After spending most of the last 10 years in near total isolation, I have a hard time shutting up any time anyone is willing to talk with me IRL. The worst part is that I'm usually trying my best to mask my level of pain and I go down hill fast. By the end of an average casual conversation I'm down to half the wit needed to end the conversation gracefully, and my graceful half has already left.
After watching how people dealt with covid isolation, I think I have handled it pretty well. Now I have a lot more empathy for people dealing with this kind of social anxiety. It's still annoying as hell, even when I am the one doing it, but understanding the condition helps blunt my angst.
Hey, that's fair. I hadn't considered that in casting this net I could be catching people who are quite anxious and speaking to fill the silence. Admittedly I am saying this with a handful of specific people I've met in mind, and in their particular cases it was more reflective of their narcissistic tendencies than any sort of anxious response, but I realize in retrospect that it can also be coping behavior. I hope I didn't offend either way, and I'll keep this in mind in the future.
I used to do this to everyone, all the goddamned time. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and I become a lot more self-aware of my behaviors.
I worked so fucking hard to learn ways to get ahead of or sidestep my urges. Now when other people do it around me it irritates me way, way more than it ever did before.
I am very self aware of this when talking with my friends so I just keep mind notes when I get overwhelmed with ideas.
I do think it's really okay to speak up there's something you want to say! I really must stress that I only think its problematic if no one else can actually converse because of them and it's a chronic thing.
To extend on this, I know some people who actually speak louder precisely when they do this. It's hard for me to say whether its intentional on their part, but it certainly feels that way - and a bit malicious too. Kind of like "What I have to say is more important than what you were going to say". That aggravates me because at that point it stops feeling like an accidental cut off which like you mentioned, can happen naturally on occasion.
These days when people start doing this, I just completely stop talking and no longer further contribute to the conversation.
Of course, when I try to carefully bring this up to said people (just in case it isn't intended) I'm made out to be the bad guy which I really don't understand.
A big part of this can be the family people grew up in. I have a few friends who interrupt constantly because thatβs just how their family has conversations.