this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2023
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[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

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fuck the manosphere (lemmy.world)
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by kofe@lemmy.world to c/casualconversation@lemmy.world
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I just want to vent a bit - I started seeing someone a few weeks ago. Old fling that I ran into through some friends that got rekindled, and I was excited that it seemed like more than just casual hookups this time. But there were some yellow flags I ignored that turned out to be red flags, and now I'm feeling frustrated and hurt.

Dude for real dropped the line that men are more "capable" and "logical" on me. That gender studies are "indoctrination." I told him we should probably stop seeing each other if that's really what he thinks. It wouldn't be logical for me to keep seeing someone that thinks lesser of me, now, would it?

I'm grateful to have some guy friends that I turned to after I left, cuz I wanted to go into "fuck all men" mode, but I know it's not true or helpful. Just like there are women out there that have internalized misogyny, there's feminist men, enbies, etc. We're all just people and we're not monoliths beholden to differences in biology. This is just sexist, manosphere bullshit in particular

Anyway. I'm still feeling angry and wanted to put it out there for some support and solidarity. Anyone have a recent win they'd like to share or something?

ETA: Thank you so much for the conversation y'all! I've been trying to keep up but I gotta get some sleep. I'll check in later but hope everyone has a good day. Keep up the empowerment! πŸ’œ

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[–] Papanca@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Wait, you are a woman? Just kidding. I noticed that many people, myself often included, often don't read that carefully, or don't pay that much attention to the usernames. It wouldn't be the first time i'm typing a reply, say, to answer a question and only then notice that the person already added something in their text, like: i already tried this, and my reply is useless and i delete the draft.

I also don't really care that much that people assume my gender, but whether you read carefully or not; why assume everyone here is male. I see a lot of guys commenting that there are not many women on lemmy; well duh, if you assume everyone is male... I always try to reply to people without assuming gender, but apparently, for some people that is hard.

[–] LadyLikesSpiders@lemmy.ml 2 points 11 months ago

Yeah, I mean you're absolutely right. There is a male default assumption we tend to have. Maybe it's a quirk of language, but I think it's certainly more cultural. Our preconceived notions of "person in internet" is masculine, even though women use the internet just as much and make up half the population. The only time it's not the case is when you're in places that are exclusively for women, or in places where the hobby is so dominantly feminine

For simple shit like this, I don't think it's particularly harmful or malicious. We invent a person we're talking to online, and the more often invented person is a man. It's more a symptom of the greater culture at large, and effectively just a part of our language. We have "they" but I think there's also a gender-neutral "he" that we just don't recognize that arose from the male-as-default idea. Intentionally misgendering, on the other hand, is 100% a shitty thing to do, but that's an argument on a different topic anyway