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How do you pick yourself up after getting your heart broken? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago by prenupbutter@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I fell for someone who lives in a different country. We met while he was passing through mine, and then he later changed some of his travel plans to come back and see me again.

We saw each other every single day for over a month, he met most of my friends, we went on trips together and overall he was very loving and did all kinds of things that made me feel like we had something that could last beyond a fling. He told me he would be back again.

His feelings changed not long after he went back home, and he only admitted it to me once I confronted him after noticing him become more and more distant over 2 months. He said he found it hard to stay emotionally invested in someone so far away.

I get that long distance is hard and that people's feelings change. I just didn't think he'd lose feelings for me so easily. It hurts more than ending a relationship that has slowly burned out over time, because I just can't make sense of how quickly this happened. And I think a large part of why I got so attached is because I very rarely meet guys I'm genuinely interested in, let alone ones that treat me well.

Have any of you gone through something similar? If so, how did you cope with it? Was there anything that made it easier to accept, or do I just need to let time do its thing? I have a bunch of important things to finish this week and have already lost so much time crying lol.

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[–] Eggyhead@kbin.social 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In the past, I just kept myself busy. I threw myself into work and my hobbies. If I got hit with a sudden wave of depression, I'd just take a deep breath, accept that it hurts, and try to refocus on whatever I was doing. Rinse and repeat until it eventually just stopped mattering to me.

I also told myself that if I'm having to convince someone to stay with me, we probably aren't as compatible as I'd imagined we were. And if I need a second person in my life to feel fulfilled, all that means is that I'm not living a fulfilling life for myself in the first place. That's worth changing before even considering finding a partner. Finally, even if I convinced that person to return to me, I honestly wouldn't feel the same way about them anymore, so what's the point? There was probably someone better for me out there anyway (spoiler: there was).

Start doing stuff for yourself that you can be proud of and brag about. Start accomplishing something you know you would never have if that other person stayed in your life. Give yourself a reason to love yourself before even considering bringing another person into the picture, because it's not fair to them or yourself if you need to depend upon them just to be happy.

[–] prenupbutter@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You're absolutely right. I've accomplished so much since my last - and abusive - relationship. For some reason I was able to recover from it very quickly, and I say this as someone who took 5 years to fully get over my first (also abusive) bf.

I was VERY codependent and the relationship traumatized me, but less than 2 months after the breakup, I entered an international comedy competition and won first place. Suddenly people who didn't give a shit about me before wanted me on their shows. I had all sorts of new opportunities thrown at me and now I have a huge list of things I can happily brag about.

I probably would never have taken that sort of plunge when I was with my ex. Maybe hitting rock bottom + the anger made me fearless, I don't know.

I still struggle a bit with self-image and social anxiety, but I can see how far I've come and I think overall, I'm a pretty cool person.

Thank you for reminding me that I don't have to settle for someone who doesn't see that. You're right, I shouldn't have to convince someone to be with me. I'll tell myself that next time I have a "everything reminds me of him :'(" moment (and I'm having a LOT of those, ughh)

[–] Eggyhead@kbin.social 3 points 1 year ago

Hell yeah! You rock and don’t you forget it.