this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2024
36 points (95.0% liked)
Asklemmy
43905 readers
986 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
One benefit is that if you are a US citizen, and your spouse is not, you don't have to wait as many years to apply for citizenship. It can also help your application, as long as you are able to provide sufficient evidence that the relationship is genuine and not just to hasten the application. (Still ungodly expensive and difficult to get citizenship though -- the idea that you "just marry" someone is an utter myth.)
Navigating credit and finances is easier.
It can be easier to get access to be there for each other during a health crisis, and I know my parents have appreciated how much help their son-in-law has given them when they need moral support during medical appointments, etc. Sometimes he's been there for them when I am unable.
My husband and I didn't marry for these reasons, though. We had been in a monogamous co-habitative relationship for five years leading up to the proposal, and it was more for customary/cultural reasons. You're right that the practical benefits are pretty marginal.
It can be, yeah. I think this is an ongoing problem that was even worse in the past. I disagree that it is "just" why people marry, though. I was fortunate to have parents who are married, but it was always clear they were both equal partners in the relationship. Didn't really subscribe to traditional gender roles and such. I'm really lucky.
It's always awkward when someone will ask me, "Who's the woman in the relationship?" Like, what kind of question is that? But yeah, there are a lot of people who unfortunately do have this idea of ownership. Terms like "trophy wife" seem so problematic to me, like wtf bro.
Gonna finish by adding there are many different ways a relationship can look, and marriage is just one of them. I think if it's consensual and equitable, it can be a beautiful thing, but so can many other types of relationships. It made sense for my husband and I, but it probably doesn't make sense to a whole lot of people, and that's fine. I think no one should ever feel pressured to get married or not to get married.